Page 86 of Rising Star

“It’s okay to be confused,” I said. “It’s a lot to take in. Do you wanna talk about it?

“Okay.”

Over the months I’d known her, Mikaella, the angry little girl I met the first day, had ceded her place to a more trusting and blooming version of herself.

Watching her, I gulped a big dose of air, forcing my racing heart to stay put.

“Are you and I okay?”

She nodded, staring at the space in front of her, not sparing me a glance.

“Are you mad at your daddy?”

She nodded again.

My insides clenched as I prayed to find the right words to get through to her.

“You know your daddy loves you, right?”

She shrugged.

“He does. He loves you so much. You and Justine are the most precious people in his life. I swear.”

She remained silent.

“Adults like your daddy and I are looking to be loved too. Your daddy knows you and Justine love him very much. But he also needs another adult’s love. Someone to be his special friend. Like you and Justine are. You see, like Riley and Devon. They are each other’s special friends. And once upon a time, your mama and your daddy were too.” I inhaled. “When your mama left, it broke your daddy’s heart. Remember when he was grumpy and barely smiled before?”

A nod. All the encouragement I needed to continue.

“Well, it was your daddy being sad. In his heart. Because he didn’t have a grown-up special friend anymore. Someone to reassure him when he was afraid or be by his side when he was having a bad day. Because daddies can be scared and have broken hearts too. When I started coming to your house to take care of you and Justine, your daddy was often angry. And it broke my heart. And one day, we became friends. Really good friends. And we started laughing together. And then, not so long ago, your daddy and I realized we could be each other’s special friends. So that when we were together, we didn’t feel alone anymore. And we made each other happy.”

Mikaella stayed immobile beside me.

“And when adults become special friends, they kiss each other. Because we can’t go on play dates. Duh, we’re too old for the slide or trampoline. Instead, we hold hands. And we have sleepovers. And when we both are so happy that we are always laughing and kissing, we know we have found a very special friend, and we should hold on to them. Because they make our hearts jump in our chests and send butterflies to our bellies.”

Mikaella said nothing, so I kept going. “Your daddy and I discovered we’re very good at being special friends. And I’m not your mama, and I will never be unless one day it’s you who’s asking me to be. Your daddy and I are good together. You wanna know why? He holds my hand when I’m afraid and smiles at me when he’s happy. And when I’m sad, he pulls me into his arms to comfort me. And when I go to bed, he kisses me goodnight. Remember when I told you that before being your nanny, I traveled the world with other families? Well, I didn’t know it back then, but I was searching for my own special friend too.”

I sighed and dropped my shoulders.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

Mikaella nodded.

“I never really felt at home anywhere and didn’t have a lot of friends growing up. I thought traveling will help me find where I belong. And it turns out, since the day I met you guys, I don’t feel lost anymore. I know where my home is. And it’s with the three of you. Now I don’t wanna go away anymore. Not if you guys aren’t around. Because I will get lost again.”

“Were you sad when you were hurt and all by yourself?”

“Yes. And I was angry too. Because I missed you all so much and had no idea when I’d be back.”

Mikaella turned her head my way, watching me with interest now. “Daddy and you are special friends? Like Jacob and you were?”

I sighed. “Jacob and I were good friends, but I’ll tell you another secret.” I lowered my voice to a whisper. “I thought for a moment he could be my special friend, but it turns out your daddy is. A lot, lot, a whole lot more. He is my true special friend. And I am his.”

“What will happen now? Are you gonna leave us? Because Lisa did.” Her eyes, still brimming with unshed tears, studied me closely.

I pulled the little girl to my heart and enveloped her in my arms. “No. It means the four of us will live together and be around one another. A lot. And your daddy and I will spend more time together. I won’t go anywhere. I’ll be here with you all the time. And available anytime you need me. Not like a nanny, but more like your extra special friend.”

Mikaella raised her eyes to mine. “Do extra special friends kiss too?”