Page 75 of Heart’s Rescue

“I’m sorry,” I say. “This is going to be unpleasant.”

Arryn says nothing. So now we’re not speaking to each other. Which is also fine. Think of how uncomplicated things would be right now if we’d never spoken to each other in the first place. Something deep inside my chest cramps at the thought; I try to ignore it.

The standing stones of the teleportation hub loom before us, buzzing with their strange magic. My dinner of nasty burned beans shifts in my stomach just looking at them. Voids, I wish we could walk to the Crystal City.

But the memory of Arryn’s arm rises in my mind. Void-touch has spread almost to her shoulder, almost to the soft, warm skin along her collarbone that I kissed last night. I clench my teeth and pull in a deep breath of the frozen air, trying to forget absolutely everything about last night.

Ha. Yeah. That’ll work.

“Okay,” I say. “It’s four jumps to the Crystal City. I’ll stop after each one, wait until you tell me you’re ready to go again. And, it’s— It’s going to be—”

“Unpleasant?” Arryn finishes for me.

I nod, even though she can’t see me in the dark. Unpleasant doesn’t begin to cover it. But she’s about to find that out.

“Also, I—” I wince as my voice fades. This would have been so easy a few hours ago. Before I’d messed everything up.

“I need to touch you,” I say.

I feel her body stiffen, and I realize just how horribly she might be misinterpreting that, as if the teleportation hubs are sex-powered or something. Or as if I’m the kind of guy who would claim they are.

“Hands would be fine,” I stammer. “Holding hands. I just, I can’t take you with me unless some part of us is touching.”

Yeah. That was smooth. Heat rises in my cheeks; at least Arryn can’t see it. Arryn makes a little sniffing sound as she pulls off her mitten. I do the same. Then, with my heart hammering stupidly in the back of my throat, I reach forward and press my palm to hers. Our fingers interlace, her dark skin threaded through my pale fingers, and voids, she’s so warm. So warm and so soft. I can almost believe I feel her heartbeat through her fingers, through the one place where our bodies touch.

“Okay,” I say, trying to sound like I know what in the voids I’m doing and not like I’m staring stupidly at our interlaced fingers as if I’ve never held hands with a woman before.

Have I? Have I ever held hands with a woman? I don’t think any of Phaedron’s cast-offs were ever very interested in my hands. Arryn shifts on the snow.

“So,” she says. “What do we do?”

Right. I clear my throat, close my eyes, and pull my magic to me. It comes hissing along the surface of the snow. I can already taste the bile rising in the back of my throat as I reach forward, ready to put my hand on the hub.

“Just hold on,” I say.

I touch the stone, and the teleportation hub rips us out of space.

Ilose my shit after three jumps. It happens every time, and I was an idiot to think I could get away with it just this once just because I really, really did not want to puke in front of a lady. But what I want counts for absolutely jack in this world, and you’d think I would have learned that neat little lesson by now.

So I rip my hand out of Arryn’s and stumble past the stones to vomit terrible beans on the snow just outside Glendale’s teleportation hub, and of course, I try to do so quietly because it’s the middle of the night and it’s suspicious enough that someone’s teleporting at this hour. I don’t want to add any further reasons for someone to come poking around.

Ugh. I take a deep breath and wait to see if my head’s going to stop spinning. Clearly, it is not. I wipe the back of my mitten over my mouth, then against my jacket, and take a deep drink from my water flask.

“Rowan?” Arryn whispers.

The damn woman followed me. I should have told her to stay where she was, but if I’d opened my mouth for any reason whatsoever she’d probably be wearing those beans.

“Yeah?” I say. My voice sounds exactly like I’ve just forced myself to teleport three jumps and then puked.

“You okay?” she asks.

She doesn’t sound much better. I force myself up to standing. She’s a few steps behind me, looking around wildly. The glowsoft orbs are still functional this close to the Crystal City, but they never put out much light this time of night. She probably can’t even see me. It’s not a very comforting thought, but I’ll take it.

“Sorry about that,” I say. “Happens every stupid time. How are you holding up?”

She takes a step toward me, following my voice, and I reach out to brush her arm. She makes a sound like a jittery, whispered giggle.

“Terrible,” she says. “I feel like I got run over by a cart.”