Page 14 of Hearts Lost

“Oh?” I reply, arching an eyebrow at her. “I didn’t realize the Kingdom of the Summer had sent us a medical expert.”

This time I’d have to be blind to miss the way her cheeks darken as she turns away.

“Sorry,” she mutters.

Interesting. Martial training but not so much that she’s on guard around me. Or maybe she’s just tired. Or maybe she’s one of those fearless women who aren’t on guard around anyone. Whatever the reason, guilt twists in my gut as I lean forward and pull the now-steaming kettle off its hook. I don’t need to be an asshole.

“It’s fine,” I say.

I stand, retrieve a mug, and then turn back to the woman.

“Tea?” I ask. “It’s probably several days old, and it won’t help you sleep, but at least it’s hot.”

“Yes, please,” she replies.

I pour two mugs of tea, then hesitate as my eyes linger over the little brown bottle on the sideboard. It’s been years and years since I’ve added anything to my middle-of-the-night cups of stale tea, and damn, do I ever miss it.

And I’m not the Acting Captain of the Royal Guard anymore, I realize with a strange sensation of lightness. The standards of decorum I need to uphold have just slipped. I pick up the bottle and tilt it toward the woman.

“Something stronger?” I ask.

“Oh, stars, yes,” she replies, with a smile.

I add a generous slug of brandy to each mug of tea, then hand one to her and sit back down. We drink our stale, spiked tea in companionable silence, and I do my best to ignore the growing warmth in my chest. I need to find out what in the void’s name this woman is doing here, and then I’ll need to stop her. Liking her is only going to make everything harder.

I yawn, stretch, and set my feet up near the grate. That slug of brandy has made everything feel soft around the edges, like whatever problems tomorrow will bring are far, far away. I swirl the dregs of stale tea around the bottom of my mug and take another sip.

“I missed this,” I say, almost to myself.

I glance up, and the woman’s watching me with a soft, guarded sort of expression. She doesn’t ask, but the answer bubbles up inside my chest anyway.

“Brandy in the middle of the night,” I say. “It didn’t seem right when I was Acting Captain. Setting a bad example and all.”

“Oh,” she replies, with a delicate shrug.

She finishes her tea, and we sit together in warm, golden silence.

“You’re not captain anymore?” she asks.

I roll my neck and swallow another yawn. My eyelids feel like they’re made of stone.

“I was never really captain,” I say, repeating the line I’d tried to explain to my parents hundreds of times. “I was only the Acting Captain in Orryen’s absence.”

“Ah,” the woman says, and her eyes drift to the roofbeams, where Orryen and his princess might still be screwing each other senseless, for all we know. “Now that Orryen’s back—”

Her voice trails off. I shrug. I should probably feel upset about the loss of my prestigious role within the palace. The loss of any chance, no matter how slim, that I could possibly be selected as King Galan’s heir and someday take the throne of the Kingdom of the Fall, fulfilling all my family’s hopes and dreams. Yes, I should probably feel something about that.

The woman gives me a shy smile.

“I’m Ithronel,” she says.

“Aloserin,” I reply, holding up my mug in her direction.

Her smile widens, and I feel like I’ve been drinking warm honey.

“Well, Aloserin,” she says, raising her mug toward mine, “here’s to wallowing in self-pity.”

My own laugh startles me. It’s been so long since anyone has made me laugh like this, full-throated and out of nowhere. When it’s over, I feel like the problems waiting for me tomorrow haven’t just been pushed far away, they’ve been utterly destroyed.

“Ithronel,” I say, rolling her lovely name around my lips and tongue. “I’ll drink to that.”

Our mugs meet in the space between us and release a single, sweet note into the air. I pull back, drain my mug and, reluctantly, drag myself to my feet.

“Sleep well,” I say.

I shouldn’t smile at the woman who’s just made everything about my job infinitely harder, but voids below, I don’t think it would be possible for me to stop.