Page 73 of Hearts Lost

ALOSERIN

BELLS THAT DON’T EXIST

Istop at the foot of the stairs, drum my fingers on my forearm, and then turn back to the window beside me. There’s just enough glare from the torch in the hall for me to make out my own watery reflection in the window’s glass.

I followed Rowan’s advice and took a bath as soon as I’d gotten back from the World’s End. Then I’d trimmed my beard, polished the last of the Outer Ring’s mud off my boots, and put on a fresh uniform. I run my fingers through my hair, again, and frown at my distorted reflection in the window. The mirror in the bath earlier today had been rather unforgiving. I’d looked exactly like I felt; wrung-out, exhausted, hungover, and miserable. Well, at least after the bath I’d looked wrung-out, exhausted, hungover, miserable, and clean.

I bite down on a sigh and force myself to climb the circular staircase leading to the magicians’ study. My heart thuds ominously as I climb, like a funeral dirge, and the ghost of last night smacks a hammer against my temples.

Fine. I just need to get this over with. I’ll open the door and say a general hello to everyone inside. I’ll just make eye contact with Ithronel. Or not. Just enough to prove that I’m not afraid. Just enough to show her that I’m here, in the palace, in case she—

I shake my head. In case she what? In case she wants to slap me for knocking her unconscious? In case she wants to ask me where in the nine hells I’ve been since she woke up? In case she wants to tell me that it was all an act, that everything that happened between us in the void was part of her cover, and that she actually despises me?

I swallow hard as some of last night’s bad decisions try to force their way back up my throat. Voids, if I never get drunk again it will be too soon.

Be reasonable, I tell myself. Orryen said Ithronel agreed to work for our magicians in exchange for my safety, which must mean she doesn’t actively wish for my demise. I try to stifle my sigh; there’s a rather large gap between not wishing death on someone and actually liking them, unfortunately. And I suppose I’m about to discover where on that spectrum Ithronel’s feelings for me actually lie.

I climb the final stretch of stairs, reach the landing outside the study, and freeze. The door is slightly ajar, as always, because magicians are terrible at security. There’s a horrible moment when I think perhaps it’s too late in the day and they’re gone, and then the voices start up again, Lythienne and someone else I can’t quite make out. Then Orryen.

Okay. I squeeze my hands into fists and take a deep breath. This is just a room. It’s just a room full of people I’ve known for damn near my entire life. I’m just going to open the door, nod at Orryen, nod at Ithronel, and get the hell out.

“Come on,” I whisper to myself through gritted teeth. “How hard could it be?”

Still, each step across the landing feels like I’m dragging myself through mud. The door creaks slightly as I push it open, and I think I should really bring some oil up here and fix that, and then everyone in the magicians’ study is staring at me.

I scan the room. It’s half empty, and everyone inside looks tired. Orryen leans against the wall, Elanerill sits beside Lythienne with a massive chart spread over the table before them, and a handful of magicians cluster around a table of equipment near the windows. Ithronel isn’t here. I run my eyes over the room again, as if confirming what’s bloody obvious already.

She’s not here. There are dozens of reasons why she could be somewhere else, but still, something cold tightens on the back of my neck.

“Hey,” Orryen says, smiling at me. “Ithronel with you?”

That cold feeling ripples across my skin, pulling my lips tight.

“I thought she’d be here,” I say.

Orryen frowns as he walks across the room toward me. Lythienne and Elanerill continue their soft, murmured conversation at the table.

“No, we haven’t seen her all day,” Orryen says, and then he tries to give me a smile. “It’s not the trekker’s curse, is it? You two did travel inside the void.”

My heart lurches inside my chest.

“Very funny,” I growl. “Didn’t you have a guard watching her?”

“Why?” Orryen replies, with a shrug. “She agreed to work for us.”

For just a heartbeat, I think I might punch him. Then he grins at me.

“Of course I had a guard watching her,” Orryen says. “Voids, what do you think I am? But he said she left with you, so I figured—”

“He what?” I blurt.

Orryen’s frowning now.

“He said she left the palace last night to go to your family’s estate,” Orryen says.

Oh, it’s cold in here. It’s suddenly very, very cold.

“What?” I say again, and the word is ice.