Page 26 of Falcon’s Forever

Across the table, Sarah sits up straighter. Maya stops chewing, and Emily smiles for the first time since the alert came through.

I open my eyes and glare at all of them. “Every one of you needs a hobby.”

"We have hobbies," Maya says. "This is one of them."

The humor drains out of me faster than I expect it to, because there's too much sitting behind the question. His searching. The note. The fact that he'd hated me for leaving him when he was the one who'd never come.

"He told me he looked for me," I say finally.

The room goes still. Nobody jokes.

Frankie sets the cookie down. "I believe that."

"What?" I look at her; did she just say that?

"I never knew him then, but from what the brothers say, he nearly tore himself apart looking." Frankie picks up the cookie again.

Something in my chest twists. "He thought I chose to go."

"They made him think that?"

I nod. "I left a note. I didn't write it."

Sarah's brow furrows. "Someone else wrote it?"

"They did." Nobody asks who they are. Nobody in this house needs it clarified.

"It said I was sorry. That was all. He thought I'd left him." I can feel the tears welling, they are both tears of sorrow and anger that he believed that small note

Emily's face twists. "That's evil."

"Yes." I close my eyes, to stop the tears.

Maya reaches across the table, not quite touching my hand, just close enough that it's an offer. I turn my hand over and let her take it.

"He said he hated me."

Sarah sucks in a breath.

Frankie watches my face without flinching from it. "How did that make you feel?"

"Like I deserved it." The answer's out before I can stop it.

"No," Frankie says.

"I know logically I didn't."

"Logic isn't the point."

"I hated him too," I admit. "I used to lie there and think he'd come for me. Every noise outside, every door that opened, I thought this is it, Falcon found me." My voice wobbles and I stop to breathe through it. "He didn't."

"That wasn't his fault," Sarah says quietly.

"I know. It didn't stop me blaming him though. I hated him for living while I was there, for not finding me, and for all the days I told myself believing he'd stopped looking hurt less than believing he was still looking and couldn't reach me."

The room is silent for a while. I wipe at my cheek and realize I've been crying without noticing.

Maya passes me a tissue. "Hospital-grade. Knox bought a whole box."