Page 57 of Falcon’s Forever

"He looks exhausted," I tell her shaking my head.

"Both can be true." She unwraps the sandwich. "He isn't trying to get you back."

I look at her. "What?"

"Not yet anyway. He's trying to get himself back first."

Her words hit me harder than I expect. I glance toward the front door. Falcon is out there somewhere now, walking a patrol line with his brothers.

“That means something,” Frankie says quietly.

“I know,” I reply.

She gives me a pointed look. “You keep saying that.”

“Because I do know,” I insist.

“You understand it,” Frankie corrects me. “That isn’t the same as believing it.”

I tighten my arms around myself. “I don’t know what I believe.”

“That’s probably healthier,” she says.

I glance at her. “Once again, that’s terrible advice.”

“It’s still true,” Frankie replies.

She looks toward the living room. Maya is already handing out more snacks, Sarah has returned to her book, and Lena has claimed one of the floor mattresses.

“This place feels different,” Frankie says.

“Different in a good way?” I ask.

“I think so,” she admits.

“You’re allowed to call it good,” I remind her.

Frankie’s expression tightens. “I don’t trust good.”

"I know," she says, softer this time, no judgment in it at all.

By one thirty most of the women are asleep and I finally go up to my own room. It feels too quiet after the crowded living room. I leave the door slightly open, partly because I'm not frightened, mostly because I am, and change into an old shirt and get into bed. Sleep doesn't come easily these days. When I close my eyes I sometimes get pulled back there, so I have to be properly exhausted before it takes.

I listen to the compound instead. Engines in the distance, low voices, bootsteps farther from the house now because of the new patrol line. I know who's out there, Falcon until two, then Rook, and that knowledge makes me feel comfortable and I didn't expect it to.

At one fifty-eight my phone lights up.

Security Phone:

Night rotation change complete. Falcon off duty. Rook and Ice Pick on perimeter. No further activity.

I stare at it, then, before I can talk myself out of it, open a message.

Cara:

Go to bed.

Three dots appear almost immediately.