Page 155 of You + Me – Against the World

Cheyenne scoops up her slides with one hand and runs off again, barefoot on the asphalt.

***

The next morning, I find myself back in the pickup, flanked by Felix and Clémentine. I agreed to take the middle seat. I would have agreed to anything when I learned my visitation request had been approved. Because that means the hearing hasn’t taken place yet and, most importantly, that Vadim still wants to see me.

Standing in front of the glass, Fe exchanges a few words with his friend. Clem takes the phone to tell him to hang in there—and also to think about cutting his hair one of these days. That almost manages to make him smile. Then they leave us alone together, as we’d agreed on the ride there.

I don’t know if it’s my imagination, but Vadim looks thinner to me, paler, almost lifeless. His brown curls hang over his forehead, and his shoulders remain hunched, as if he’s carrying a heavy burden.

“Don’t you ever do that to me again, Arcadi. Don’t you ever leave me without looking back.”

My eyes are dry, and my voice determined. I promised myself I wouldn’t break down.

“And don’t you ever do that to me again, Lancaster—shout my name while you’re crying. I didn’t sleep for two nights after that.”

His gray eyes betray a small flicker of anger, sorrow, and pain. Maybe defiance, too. I don’t know what it is, but it brings him to life and makes him more handsome than ever. At least he isn’t acting completely indifferent to me. The idiot almost managed to convince me that was real.

“I talked to Cheyenne yesterday. Keith used her, too. She seems scared of him, so I don’t think she’ll ever talk.”

“I already told you, but you don’t listen, Alma. There’s nothing we can do.”

“Yes, there is! There is a solution—you just don’t want to hear it. My father knows several excellent lawyers who could get you out of here. It’s as simple as that.”

“I already said no. Who would pay, anyway?”

“Me! Us! Who cares?”

“I do.”

“Why? Pride? Vadim Arcadi has spent his whole life standing on his own, so he’d rather die alone than let anyone help him? Even me?”

Seeing him act so stubborn drives me crazy. But I won’t give up.

“I’ve already hurt you enough as it is. I want it to stop now. Whether it’s on the outside or in jail, I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror every day and tell myself I didn’t ruin your life. That you aren’t unhappy because of me.”

“But do you think I could be happy without you? Do you think I can just snap my fingers and forget you? I’ll die if you stay in here! Let me help you, please.”

He shakes his head, then bores into me with his bright eyes. “No, whatever you do, it will have consequences, Alma. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. You’re a rare gem, a pure soul. If I ruin things for you, I’ll never get over it. You deserve to have a wonderful life. I can’t handle the thought that you might throw it all away for me. I just couldn’t live with that.”

“My life changed on October 8th at around ten in the morning when you looked at me for the first time. When you challenged me, and I pretended to defy you. I chose all of that, Vadim! I let my life be turned upside down! I took the risk because I was already crazy about you! And look at how my life changed: it had never been so beautiful, so incredible as it has been these past nine months. I love the way you make me feel. You have no idea how much you’ve given me. This freedom, this madness, all these moments of happiness—I owe them to you! I love you more than anything, more than myself, and I won’t let you sacrifice yourself for me. Never! NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!”

My tears fall, but my voice remains steady. Everything I’ve been holding in my heart needs to be released. He needs to know. And even then, these words are nothing compared to what I feel inside. This burning fire, these arrows laced with his poison, this love so deep and infinite that it hurts me, that it twists inside me—yet without it, I’m nothing. I don’t even remember what my life was like before him.

Vadim presses his forehead against the glass and smiles. “Look at us. We spent months on the same team, fighting against everyone for… You + Me. And now, we’re fighting each other. But I won’t let you win, Alma Lancaster. Promise me you won’t do anything, that you won’t talk to your father…”

“I’ve got nothing to lose. If you don’t want to fight anymore, I’ll do it for you. I love you, Vadim. And nothing will stop me. Not even you.”

I press my forehead against his. A pane of glass separates us. Maybe a whole lifetime.

I look at him one last time, etching his face into my memory. Then, slowly, I stand up. I leave, carrying his life in my hands, with the feeling my eyes are saying goodbye to him—and the certainty that my heart belongs to him.

54

“Dad?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I talk to you?”