Page 35 of Defensive Indifference

“No, I don’t mind at all. It’ll be a fun day. You should get some rest though and think about the car. It’s an honest offer from a friend.”

“I’ll think about it,” she whispers just before a big yawn. “Thank you, Koa. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, Evalina.” I wait for her to hang up, staring down at my phone.

She has a date. Not with me. Anger flares through me despite my best efforts. I’m not mad at her, never, but that I made such a jerk of myself when we first met. Perhaps if I hadn’t, then she might not be going on a date tomorrow night with a man who probably has no idea what she’s been through. Well, I can’t know for sure whether he knows or not. Maybe he does. He could be a great guy who cares about her and Dustin, but he’s not me.

And him not being me is the biggest disappointment of my life.

Because I’m pretty sure when I wasn’t looking, my heart took a leap of faith. Now all I can do is pray Evalina doesn’t shatter it, because she has absolutely stolen it.

Chapter Seventeen

Koa

“This is going to be the best day ever. So much better than sitting in school all day.” Dustin’s grin stretches ear to ear from the back seat.

“I feel like I should remind you that school is very important, that fighting is bad, and that you are suspended, but you’re also not wrong. Today is going to be fun and probably better than sitting in school all day. Still, if your mom asks, be sure to tell her I told you all that other stuff too.”

“Did she tell you what happened?” The hesitance in his voice tells me he’s afraid there might be some lectures coming his way today.

I turn into the parking lot and maneuver into my space before glancing in the rearview mirror. “Not exactly. She said you got in a fight over something mean someone said.”

Dustin rolls his eyes and scowls. “Like, I mean, I know I’m not supposed to fight, but he’s a jerk to everyone, and I just had it. He said that kids without fathers always end up in jail, and since mine is in jail, I’m for sure going.”

“You know that isn’t true, right?”

“I guess.”

I open the car door and push my seat forward so he can escape the cramped back. He manages to unfold himself—noting that the car is still cool even if he barely fits—and grabs his gear bag. On the way to the practice field, I take advantage of the opportunity to reassure him, even though I can’t possibly read the future. Even so, with Evalina as his mother, I highly doubt the kid is headed for the big house when he’s grown.

“I need you to not guess but know that’s not true. You get to decide your actions when you grow up, kiddo. Your father and whatever he did has no bearing on the kind of person you’re going to be.”

Dustin stares at the ground as we walk. “Kind of, but in church every Sunday, the pastor talks about how important fathers are in a kid’s life.”

Man, this parenting thing? Harder than I thought, and I’m not his parent.

“That’s completely true, but your father made bad decisions. That means other men in your life need to step up and fill that gap. Your mom has you in a league with a great coach, and it sounds like you must have some good influences at church?”

“Yeah, guess so. And you.” He lifts his head and grins with a bit of a spring in his step.

I cannot mess this up. This kid has me so high on a pedestal, the fall will break every bone in my body if I disappoint him. I spy Eleanor’s car already in the lot. At least this time around she’s not dictating my entire life. I’m glad she’s here, though, if only to remind me that I have to control my temper, think about how my actions look to Dustin, and try to maintain a decent name for myself.

Andrew is already working with Marco on the mound when we arrive. Spencer and Boone are warming up, and most of the other guys are still getting set up. My life has been so frantic and wild lately, I almost forgot how much I love this. Being out here on the field, working with the team, building something to be proud of.

“About time!” Eleanor beams as she emerges from the dugout wearing a Sharks tee and ball cap. “You brought a friend!”

“You remember Dustin Renn, right?” Dropping my bag, I snatch a giveaway ball cap and pull it over Dustin’s head. His grin widens.

“Of course! Are you hanging out with the team today?”

“I got suspended for fighting!” He shouts, but I suspect his excitement is more about what we’re about to do than getting kicked out of school for a few days.

“Aha, well maybe you can tell me all about it while we watch these guys for a while. Sound good?” Eleanor offers her hand, which Dustin readily takes despite being an eight-year-old boy. They climb the bleachers and sit a few rows back, where Dustin immediately begins waving his hands animatedly. I can only assume he’s telling her all about his fight. Something pulls at my heartstrings. I’m not sure I know what it is for certain, but it feels a lot like protectiveness. Like wanting to make sure this child never has to worry another moment about his future or what living without a father is like.

“Is that Evalina’s son?” Andew stops beside me and adjusts his shoulder. It already aches, but the old man won’t go into full retirement. It was hard enough for him to walk away from the game, but he’ll be in a coffin before he stops telling rookies how to throw better as an assistant coach.

“Yeah. He got in a fight over some dumb thing another kid said about his father. She was going to make him sit at the bakery all day, so I offered to keep him.” Watching Dustin laughing with Eleanor is a bright spot in my day, in my week, actually. He’s so easy to make happy that I’m ashamed of my own childhood years, the ones I spent asking for and receiving every single thing I ever wanted. I never knew a day of want, of being excited by the smallest thing because I didn’t get them often.