Page 43 of Defensive Indifference

I hang up a little lighter than before. On the way home, I send up prayers to God to lead me, help me navigate the rapids ahead. I’m growing too attached to both Evalina and Dustin to ever let them go, and there’s a part of me that wonders if this is God’s plan. Is He guiding me to this because it’s what we all need? I have to be cautious, ensure this is right for all three of us before diving into the deep end. It isn’t just adult hearts that risk getting broken, and the last thing I want is to hurt a young, impressionable boy who has already been hurt enough by a man’s actions.

With that in mind, I pray for God’s guidance. I can’t navigate this one on my own.

Chapter Twenty

Evalina

Thank goodness for Annie, who insisted I come in a little late to my own business, if only to get a few extra hours of much needed sleep. After the events of last night, Dustin sure needed it to recover from the stress. Guilt gnaws at my chest and layers on more anxiety, enough to drown me if I don’t think of something else, anything but the incident. The problem is, whenever I think of something else, it’s Koa that fills my mind.

The man has made himself a fixture in our lives despite little to no encouragement on my part. That alone is terrifying enough, but when I look at the relationship he has with my son, I can’t help but panic. They were so sweet last night with Koa reading to him and Dustin drifting off to the sound of his voice. That’s something I can’t give my son, not in the same way that a man can.

Annie and Dustin’s hushed voices drift to the front, and Dustin giggles. I’m not sure what they are discussing in the back, but it certainly has something to do with me given Annie’s regular shushing. Although I probably shouldn’t, I can’t help eavesdropping to make sure he’s actually all right. Pressing my ear to the swinging door that leads to the bakery, I try to slow and quiet my breathing.

“Do you really think it can work?” Dustin asks.

“Your plan about Koa and your mom, or strawberry frosting on a blueberry donut? Because I think you’re going to be surprised by how bad that’s going to taste, kid.”

Dustin giggles again, no doubt doubling down on his frosting idea. It’s the other idea that’s got my attention.

“I think it will taste like fruity cereal.”

“Mmm, maybe. I guess we’ll see.” The clatter of trays muffles what they say next, then Annie asks, “What makes you think your mother likes Koa?”

“She smiles a lot when he’s around.”

Annie chuckles. “She’s probably smiling because you’re happy. Besides, you really shouldn’t try to get involved in matters of the heart, kiddo. You’re too young to worry about that stuff.”

“Why? I know he likes my mom. He’s always staring at her when she’s around, and Camden said that when a boy stares at a girl a lot, it means he likes her and wants to marry her or something.”

Annie laughs harder at this, but I’m intrigued. I’ve never noticed Koa staring at me, but to be fair, I haven’t been paying much attention. Life has been life-ing pretty hard lately, and I’m barely keeping my head above water.

“And how to you intend to get them to marry each other?” Annie pressing Dustin doesn’t bother me, but I wish he would have told me this instead of telling her. If he had, then I could already be deterring him from such thoughts. The very idea of me marrying a professional, ridiculously rich baseball player is not only outrageous, but well above anything I could hope for. Add in the fact that he seems to truly adore Dustin, and it’s virtually impossible for my luck to be that good.

What am I saying?

The man could have any woman he wants, and here I am doing the calculations of the likelihood there are wedding bells in my future.

“For heaven’s sake,” I mumble and stop eavesdropping. I’m sure Annie will sway his opinion like any good friend would to spare him the heartache, and I’ll be sure to discuss it further with him in private tonight.

Marry a baseball player, indeed.

I’m packing up the books, finally admitting it’s time to start shutting this place down, when Koa saunters through the front door. He points right at me and smiles. “Have you found a new location for your shop yet?”

“Well, hello to you, too.” I push off the floor and wipe my hands on my apron. The lunch rush has come and gone…and he’s been the only person to enter. I think it’s officially over. People have moved on, and Sparkly’s is dead.

“Hello. Now, have you found a place?” Koa meets me in front of the bookshelves, moves a few boxes into a stack, and pulls out a chair for me to sit at one of the tiny tables I’d been using to sort books. He sits across from me, perches his steepled fingers on the glass table like he’s about to make a pitch, and waits.

“No, of course not. I told you I planned to get a boring old day job and close this place. Remember?”

“You did, but what if I have a better idea?”

I lean on the table, sweaty palms pressed to the glass. I’ve had way too many things offered to me in my life not to walk cautiously into this conversation. No hopes, no excitement. There is no reason to believe Koa is my knight in shining armor.

“Such as?”

“What if I told you I know some delightful ladies who run a food truck in Charleston?” He arches his eyebrows as if that is enough information for me to work with.

“You want me to move to Charleston?”