Page 49 of Defensive Indifference

How much I need to let go, let Him hold the broken parts of me, listen to Him.

Neither of us is willing to break this blessed silence, but I do have a child asleep in the back and none of us has eaten dinner yet. I roll my head over the headrest to look at Koa. His profile is shadowed, but dots of moonlight highlight his face.

I don’t say anything. Something in my soul won’t allow me to break this moment, so I let it happen. I let the beauty of God’s creation soak in deeper until the clock hits an hour I can’t deny. With a reluctant sigh, I say, “I guess it’s time to go.”

Koa puts his car in drive without complaint or argument and takes us back to our little apartment. Back to reality. For a blessed hour, I got to forget about my troubles, and for that, I can’t thank Koa enough.

No sooner do we park in the lot, Dustin pops up from the back seat and says, “I’m hungry.”

Koa laughs so hard he snorts, which only makes me laugh harder.

“What’s so funny?” Dustin looks between us, bewildered at the behavior of two adults.

“Come on, kid. Let’s reheat the food and get settled for the night.” I push open my door and motion for Koa not to worry about escorting us to the door, but he won’t hear of it. He’s at my side in a second, waiting patiently for us to get our life together.

“I’m going to make sure you get inside safely.”

He walks us to the apartment door, waits while I unlock it, and chuckles when Dustin snatches the food bag and runs inside. “This kid, I swear I don’t know what I’m going to do with him when he hits teen years.”

Koa’s chuckle matches mine. “Buy more food, for sure.” He shifts his weight but doesn’t move to come inside. “I had a nice time tonight.”

“Me too. Thank you for taking us out.”

“Lina, I can’t leave without making sure you know I’m not here just for Dustin. I told the truth when I said I have growing feelings for you, but more than anything, I need you to know that I respect your hesitation.”

I nod, unable to explain how I feel at the moment. Starstruck, anxiously excited, cautiously optimistic, but scared as a feral cat.

“I have no intention of breaking your heart or Dustin’s. I’d like to say you’re stuck with me, but that wouldn’t be fair to you. You have every right to tell me to kick rocks, but I hope you don’t. I hope you give me a chance to show you that I have staying power. This is important to me, and I’m willing to wait or go as slow as you need to prove that.”

I nod again, my grip tightening on the door handle.

“I also understand that might be hard for you to accept, so I have a proposal. It’s not exactly the one Dustin wants me to offer you, but I think it might be a good place to begin. I propose we spend time together like we have been, and when you feel comfortable enough to go all in, you come to my game wearing my jersey.”

“Come to your game? That would require—”

“Tickets? Yes, it would.” He pulls an envelope from his pocket and hands it to me. “Season passes for both of you. You can come anytime you want. I can’t say there aren’t strings attached, because there are. I’m asking you to step into my world and to let me step into yours with the full intention of building something together when you’re ready.”

“Koa, I—”

“Mom, are you coming?” Dustin meets us at the door, anxiously awaiting the food he didn’t get to eat earlier.

“Yes, I’m coming. Can you turn the oven on for me?”

“Sure. Night, Koa!” Dustin bounds off to the kitchen, not knowing what he interrupted.

Koa’s eyes train on him until he’s out of sight, then shift back to me. “You can think about the proposal and let me know tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Mmm-hmm. Tomorrow after lunch at this address.” He points to the address scribbled on the envelope. “You have a meeting with Layne and Sarah Beth about a food truck, and I’m pretty sure you’re going to love it too much to say no.”

“Oh, really?” I tease.

“Really, and I can also tempt you with my very large house, swimming pool, and room for way more people to live.”

“Are you trying to buy my affections? Seems beneath you.” I fake a scowl but we both know this is bound to be our relationship—teasing, banter, the occasional donut thrown at one another. I’m thinking of this and his proposal when he steps closer.

“I’m willing to do just about anything, even bribery.” He shrugs. “Dustin makes a reasonable argument for why this could work, honestly.”