Page 37 of Depraved

It’s jarring, even as it feels so right that my heart aches at our reunion.

A shudder wracks my chest: desire, relief, and a hint of horror.

The depths of his deception are even more insane than I realized.

His obsession makes so much more sense now, but that doesn’t excuse his lies.

I turn my face away, forcibly breaking our kiss. His hands firm on my cheeks, clinging on to me as though he can’t bear to be parted from me ever again.

I stare into his eyes. That blue eye.

I want him to take out the other contact lens. It’s beyond disquieting to look into Rand’s eyes and Brandon’s eyes at the same time.

“Why?” I ask, a rough plea. “You let me think you were dead all these years. And then you lied to me as Bones and as Rand. Why did you do that?” My voice goes ragged with pain. “How could you do this to me?”

He glances away, and shame colors his cheeks. “After the shotgun blast…” He swallows hard. “I was a monster, Karolina. More so than I ever was.”

I peer at him. “What do you mean? You never treated me badly when we were young. You weren’t a monster.”

His gaze snaps back to mine. “I was never good enough for you, but I claimed you for myself anyway. After that night… My face…”

My stomach churns. All that blood. The flash of bone through ruined flesh.

My fault.

“I didn’t mean to.”

I hate the weak echo of my useless excuse.

“I can never atone for what I did, but it was an accident.”

He caresses my cheek, and I realize I’m crying when his thumb wipes away wet heat.

“Why are you here if you survived that?” I ask. “You must hate me for what I did to you.”

“I could never hate you. I failed to protect you that night. I tried to shove the gun away. I know it was an accident.”

He says it like an absolute truth, but I see the flicker of doubt that darkens his blue eye.

Some part of him is afraid of me. He thinks it’s possible that I wanted to shoot him.

I could crush him with a word. Despite what I did to him, somehow, he’s been fighting to get back to me for years. He’s designed a whole new face and created an entirely new identity to win me back.

I’m not ready to excuse his lies, but I can’t bear to cause him more pain.

I place a hand against his chest, where he tattooed my name over his heart. “Yes,” I promise. “It was an accident. The biggest regret of my life. Regret doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

I broke both our hearts that night.

I study him with cautious hope. “You really didn’t tell Carter about us? You weren’t planning to share me with him?”

His jaw flexes. “You’re mine. I would never allow another man to touch you.”

I think about how he’s protected me as Rand. How he used to handle me with harsh possessiveness when we were teenagers.

“No,” I breathe. “I don’t think you would. I’m sorry I doubted you that night. I’m so sorry for what I did to you. Sorry will never be enough. Even when I thought you betrayed me, I couldn’t bear it. I’ve barely learned to live with it. Some part of me died with you that night.”

He tenderly strokes my hair. “I didn’t die. My love for you didn’t die. I’m still the same person who loved you more than anyone I’ve ever known. I didn’t know what love felt like until I saw you for the first time. I thought I was incapable of it. It’s only ever been you, Karolina. I know I’ve lied to you, but everything I’ve done has been for you. I always planned to come back to you someday.”