Page 108 of Where the Snakes Sleep

* * *

19 August 2003

Inspector Fournier came to speak with me privately this afternoon. He does not believe Nadia simply left.

He asked whether Henri kept unofficial records, and I lied to him.

What exactly am I protecting now?

Not Henri.

Surely not.

Perhaps myself.

If I tell them everything, I become part of it.

Every document I signed, every shipment I chose not to question, every time I knew something was wrong and allowed Henri to explain it until wrong became merely complicated.

Fournier gave me his number and instructed me to call from somewhere away from Le Mas.

At dinner, Henri asked what we discussed, and I told him. He asked for the inspector’s card, and I gave it.

I hate myself.

* * *

17 September 2003

Fournier is dead.

It is my fault.

* * *

23 September 2003

Henri came here tonight, to the cottage. I had forgotten he still had a key. I woke to find him sitting at the foot of my bed.

He looked tired.

I reached for him, but he did not reach back.

He asked whether I intended to leave. I said I did not know. He said, “Yes, you do.”

I asked about Nadia. I asked whether she suffered.

He told me to stop.

I asked where her body was.

“Nadia made her choice.”

I will remember those words until I die.

I said, “She had a son.”

He didn’t say anything back.