Page 50 of Searching for Mr Tilney

‘Oh, Papa, it was truly dreadful.’

‘Worse than the horror of a gothic novel, I’ve no doubt. Next time, you must refuse him.’

I cannot help but laugh, and then we’re both laughing. I grip my father’s arm tightly, and think how lucky I am to have such a wonderful man in my life. There is nothing like holding onto his strong arm for making me feel safe, and all seems right with the world once more. I know the worst is not yet over, and that my aunt’s evening party looms, but if I can suffer that, I will manage anything. I know Jane will be able to make me see things differently, and that when I tell her about this evening I shall make her laugh. It won’t be long before I’ll see my beloved home again, and can forget all about Bath, and a certain young man I cannot mention by name.

Chapter Twenty Five

Caroline

Bath, Somerset

May 1976

I heard the telephone ringing as I came to, finding myself stretched out on my bed where I imagined Cassy telling Jane all about the ball, as rapidly thrown into this century as I’d left it. I couldn’t get Cassy out of my head; her feelings and emotions were so strong, like physical pangs every time she thought about Tom Fowle. I felt so unlike myself, so absorbed by the life of Cassandra with all her cares and troubles that I could not snap myself out of the past immediately or from the feelings that reduced me to tears, wet on my face.

The ringing stopped for a moment, and as I gradually made sense of the modern world I found myself in, I caught the low tones of Mr Appleby’s voice.

‘Caroline,’ he called from the hall, ‘Harry is on the phone.’

I grabbed my dressing gown, and ran downstairs anticipating the sound of his voice, yet trying to work out why he was calling me just minutes before we were due to meet.

‘Hello, is everything okay?’

‘Caroline, I wish it were, but I’m afraid not. The truth is I’m phoning to cancel our evening … I’m so sorry.’

‘Has something happened?’

‘Yes, my uncle’s been taken ill again very suddenly, and I’ve had an urgent message from my mother. We’re taking the train tonight … I’ve got to leave in about five minutes.’

I was so disappointed, but I could hear how anxious Harry sounded, and I knew I shouldn’t be long on the phone. ‘Oh, I see … I understand. Just take care of yourself, won’t you, and your uncle, of course.’

‘I will, and listen, I’ll be in touch as soon as I can.’

We said our goodbyes, but I didn’t try and prolong the conversation. It was only afterwards I kept thinking of things I wished I’d said. The weeks stretched ahead, empty and lonely, it seemed so hard that we couldn’t have had just one more evening together.

Ellen and Roger were so kind, insisting that they take me out for the evening so I wouldn’t mope in my room. We went back to the French restaurant we’d been to before, which brought back lots of lovely memories of the last time we were in Bath, though I couldn’t help wishing Harry was there. We were sitting in the window, and as the light faded from the sky I watched couples sauntering back to their hotels, hand in hand, but no amount of wishing for Harry would make him appear like Captain Wentworth in Persuasion. Jane Austen might be able to make that magic happen, but I knew Harry was sitting on a train heading in the opposite direction.

When we got back home, I thought I’d have an early night so I’d be fresh for the journey in the morning. I couldn’t keep up the pretence of feeling happy for much longer, and I felt worn out with tiredness that seemed to settle round my shoulders like a heavy cloak. I half thought I’d be whisked back in time as I stepped through the door, but I was glad to find out I was only going to be miserable on my own behalf. I couldn’t help thinking about Cassy and her broken dreams, though I was too wrapped up in my own misery, coming to the depressing conclusion that in all likelihood what I had with Harry was never going to work long term. I couldn’t even bring myself to read Jane’s journal, which I’d bought to read especially while I was in Bath, and feeling utterly miserable, I gave in to sleep at last.

***

I woke in the morning with the sinking feeling that always comes after a disappointing experience from the day before. I hoped Harry had arrived safely at the castle, and that all was not as gloomy for his uncle’s health as it sounded. I got up and dressed, wearily throwing clothes into my case with a sense of déjà vu.

When the telephone rang I hadn’t expected it would be for me, but when Ellen called upstairs to say Harry was ringing on a very bad line, I ran down as fast as I could, jumping the last few steps at the bottom.

‘Harry, I hope all is well,’ I called trying not to shout, aware that Ellen would be listening to my every word. I could hear how awful the line was because of the loud crackling noise in my ear.

‘Yes, it’s all good news … my uncle was in hospital, but is at home now. He had a nasty turn, but he’s on the mend. Elsa and I are doing the best we can … our mother couldn’t come this time because of work commitments, but there is a nurse here too, so we have some extra help.’

It was so good to hear his voice. I felt as if a hundred years had passed since our last conversation, even if it was only the previous evening.

‘Oh, I am glad to hear it. It’s lovely to hear from you.’

‘I couldn’t wait to phone you.’

Tears sprang to my eyes, and I tried not to let them get the better of me for fear of my voice breaking and giving me away. I cleared my throat.

‘How long will you be in Wales, do you think?’