Page 58 of Searching for Mr Tilney

When Harry came back, he seemed a little more like his old self. Elsa went off to see her uncle, and we were alone, at last. I felt quite shy in front of him and couldn’t think how to start a conversation. It was as if all our intimacy had gone.

‘It’s a beautiful day out there, Caroline. Shall we go out?’ Harry asked.

‘I’d like that,’ I answered, even if I couldn’t believe he wanted to spend time with me, after all. I noticed how drawn and tired he looked as he raked his fingers through his hair.

‘I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you, but there’s been so much on my mind, though I’m determined to make up for lost opportunities if it’s not too late.’

‘Of course it’s not too late.’ I didn’t know what else to say. If I was truthful, I wasn’t sure about anything any more.

‘Good,’ said Harry with a smile that suddenly lit up his face and made my heart turn over. ‘In that case there’s a little mystery tour I wish to take you on, if you trust me.’

‘Of course I do. Oh, I love mysterious outings, but can’t you give me a hint?’

‘No, I’m saying nothing, though there’s no need to dress up or anything … you might need sensible shoes to start with, but you could bring a pair of flip-flops, perhaps a jumper in case it gets cold, and a raincoat you don’t mind sitting on just in case the glorious weather decides to change. Meet me in ten minutes by the front door.’

I was first down, and hoped I didn’t look too eager, but when Harry appeared with a picnic basket in his hand, it was very hard not to feel excited about the day. We took the same coastal path, which was very beautiful in the sunshine, but this time we turned back on ourselves, following a different route that descended down rocky steps. Harry took my hand to help me down the steepest of them, and in several places there were no steps at all and the path seemed to disappear.

‘This is a bit of a secret trail,’ Harry said. ‘I hope you’ll think the walk is worth it when we get there.’

The smell of the sea and the sun on my face was reminding me of every holiday I’d ever enjoyed. Seagulls hovered overhead, mewing with a melancholy sound, the sea below them as calm as a millpond in bands of turquoise, lavender and milky-green, glittering with sunlight in penny sparkles. Waves near the sand were crested with white foam, and on the horizon the sky soared up above without a cloud to mar the enamelled blue. Looking across to the harbour in the distance, the boats bobbed gently, kept safe by the sheltering arm of the stone wall stretching out to sea in a curve. Little clumps of people were sitting on the beach or hammering at brightly coloured windbreakers, and several dogs scampered in and out of the water.

‘Randolph would have loved to come out today,’ I said. ‘What a shame we left him behind.’

‘Elsa is taking him out this afternoon, but in any case, I wanted you all to myself.’

Harry stopped, held out his hand and I took it. He looked into my eyes until I couldn’t breathe, and raised my wrist to his lips to kiss it, but didn’t speak, only threaded his fingers through mine to make my senses thrill, and make the blood pound faster in my veins.

Chapter Twenty Nine

A pair of butterflies danced before us, their tortoiseshell wings flashing in the sunlight. There was so much to look at and point out in the landscape that we sighed and smiled all the way, at Georgian villas at the top of the village, and quaint cottages gripping the edges of the cliff-tops, where beyond them swathes of green fields and woods hazy with bluebells were announcing the start of summer, along with the emerald hue of new leaves budding on the trees. I forgot it was almost our last day together, but the pangs were fierce and bittersweet when the memory came to bring me up sharp. Why couldn’t it have felt like this sooner? All my reserve drifted away, and one look from the intense gaze of Harry’s eyes told me everything was perfect in the world.

Then we were almost at the bottom, in our own private cove by the sea’s edge with a line of caves protecting us from the world. I could see why we were alone, it was not an easy route and I doubted many people knew about the sheltered bay, shielded as it was from view. The sun sparkled on the flat sand, dotted with pink seashells and glistened on the seaweed like mermaids’ hair on the wet rocks. I watched Harry take a blanket from his bag and unfold it on the sand, teasing out the corners, straightening the fringe with studied concentration while the breeze ruffled his hair. He took off his shoes, and I knew the pleasure of the cool sand beneath his white toes. I saw his hands, tanned by the sun, undoing the buckles on the basket, and I wanted to feel those long fingers on me, undoing and smoothing, stroking and caressing. His back was turned against me as I watched him, like a magician pulling treats from the basket, the cotton shirt revealing tense muscles moving beneath, my eyes unable to help glancing down to the narrow strip of smooth brown skin in the gap between his shirt and the waist of his jeans.

I kicked off my shoes, and sat cross-legged watching until the ceremony was over and the feast laid before me. He’d thought of everything from pale pink prawns, juicy in translucent husks, crab and lobster in coral shells, to ripe tomatoes with scarlet flesh, and a bowl of green and black olives, wet and oily like pebbles washed up on the shore. There was a bottle of chilled champagne and glasses like crystal dishes, iridescent as the bubbles that foamed to the brink and sank. He laid a plate before me, rimmed with turquoise blue and dashed all over with pink rosebuds. White linen, silver knives and forks, and a cobalt glass dish of yellow lemon slices finished the picture. I couldn’t think how he must have arranged it all, though I guessed his earlier visit down to the village had been his chance to go shopping.

I didn’t want to spoil it by touching anything, and I was glad he took charge. I watched Harry tear the lobster; squeeze a slice of lemon onto the white meat. He picked up a piece and offered it before putting the soft fragrant flesh in my mouth, the scent of the sea on his fingers, the lemon stinging my lips. He lifted a glass to my mouth and I drank greedily. The liquid was cold, running in rivulets down my neck as he held it too high and it spilled over the sides making me giggle. The champagne tickled my throat, the bubbles slipping down inside like kisses or shared secrets, stealing my senses, loosening any lingering reticence.

I fed him a prawn and saw him hold it between his teeth, leaning forward towards my mouth so I could take the other half. Before I had a chance to take it, his hands were on my face, tilting my head, and he was taking my lips in his own, kissing them tenderly. And then we were lying side by side, our lips close, hot breath on our cheeks, and our eyes saying the words we could not speak. Harry was touching my face, cradling my head in his hands; his arms glinting with golden hairs, fingers pulling out the clips in my hair until it fell down round my shoulders. Soft lips pressed mine with more passion than I’d ever known, and I kissed him back fiercely so it felt as if we were sinking into the sand beneath our bodies.

I heard a seabird call, saw white butterflies flutter against the grey cliffs, meeting and coupling, like the flickering journey of kisses on my throat, resting for a moment in the hollow at its base. On a level with my eye I glimpsed a delicate shell open in two halves revealing its pearly casing, as a cool breeze made my hair dance like happiness.

‘Caroline, my beautiful girl,’ Harry whispered, his tongue tracing a path down to the lace edge of my cotton dress. I felt the thin straps pushed aside, his mouth on my shoulder, and watched the pearl buttons on the white bodice come apart under his fingers. I drew him closer so I could feel the drum of his heart, as I wrapped myself around him. I felt his hands on my ribcage, fingers exploring the curve of my breasts. Nothing existed, but the feeling of our souls drawn together as one. We were locked in our own precious world where time stood still and we were part of the sea and sand, the whole universe around us.

And the moment I’d longed for came at last - I didn’t know love could be so sweet. We were fused with nature pulsing to the rhythm of the restless sea, enveloped in a state of bliss I could never have imagined. I was lost in time, neither in the present or the past, suspended in the moment, as Harry called my name over and again.

***

I can hardly remember anything else about the afternoon, the physical longing, and the feeling of consuming love overriding any other conversation or incident. I had no regrets, it was the most incredibly momentous experience of my life - the most wonderful gift, I decided, and whatever happened in the future, whether we were to part forever or stay together, I knew I would never forget the first time I was loved.

All the way home I wanted to skip and dance, and when Harry said he’d take me out in the evening on our own, I said I wished we could stay in and spend it in his room. After what had happened I knew I’d find it very difficult to sit across a table from him, knowing I couldn’t touch him, and I wanted to feel the intimacy of being close to him again, have him love me slowly, taking our time.

‘Oh, so do I, my darling,’ said Harry, putting his arm round my shoulders and drawing me close. ‘If only we could. Though I should tell you this wasn’t quite what I planned, how I thought the day would go … I hope you don’t think it was always my plan to seduce you down on the beach.’

I put my fingers over his lips. ‘Of course I don’t think you planned anything of the sort, but I’m so glad it happened. Everything just seemed to come together in a perfect moment in time, don’t you think? I must admit, I’m relieved … having you love me is the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ve been so worried that I’d done something to upset you.’

‘You, upset me?’ Harry pushed his hair from his eyes as the wind whipped at his sweeping fringe. ‘Nothing you could do would upset me. I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted. What with my uncle, and the memories that have haunted me this time around, I’ve felt so unsettled. And all along I’ve kept asking myself if I’d done the right thing bringing you here. Nothing is as straightforward as it seems.’

‘What do you mean?’