Page 65 of Searching for Mr Tilney

‘And why is that?’

‘He is a curate!’

‘Good heavens, how vexing for her family. Why did her mother encourage such a pairing?’

‘My dear, I suspect they’ve heard that his kinsman is Lord Craven, though not likely to advance his fortunes. I should never say a word against him for he is a good fellow, but such low connections are a sore trial, I can assure you. It is irksome enough to have a clergyman for an in-law … my husband’s sister married quite beneath her. As for their daughters, heaven knows what will happen to the Austen girls with no dowries to speak of … I hope they’re not in expectation for a handout from my dear husband.’

‘Surely they would not presume such benevolence which could only be detrimental to your own wellbeing. Why should you compromise your style of living for such impecunious creatures?’

‘That is my point exactly; especially when it was quite fixed that the elder girl should marry well into a family connection. But, she’s given him no encouragement … her mother is quite in despair about it, and now it seems the other family don’t want it either. Her uncle went to the trouble of having her picture drawn, and doing his best to secure an alliance, or at least set one in motion. Though, I’m not at all sure his heart was ever in it. Old Francis is never happier than when he’s making money, and I’m certain he will see his grandson make a better match in the end.’

‘His grandson, you say?’

‘Well, please don’t repeat a word of it. I think the whole sorry affair will be buried and forgotten as soon as it may be. It’s their own fault. My nieces have been brought up to be far too independent and free thinking. But, even so, to disoblige her family so … she should be heartily ashamed.’

‘Yes,’ I say, faintly to myself, looking down into my lap with fresh shame; and I do feel almost ashamed of myself, after such a picture, as my uncle had painted, for not liking Lucius. I have put my own feelings before my family’s wishes, and snubbed them all in the process. I did not do all I could to secure his affections or those of his family; it is too true.

The day’s trials are only just beginning. If it were possible for me to have done otherwise, I would have submitted to their plans, but I am perfectly convinced that I could never be happy with Lucius, and would only make us both miserable. I am thankful that my aunt is unaware of my presence, though I am sure she would not have spoken in such a way if she’d known I was sitting just moments away. I watch my aunt and her friend leave, and get up with a heavy heart.

***

There are plenty of people in the Pump Rooms this morning, but my eye can only pick out one. I wish the sight of him didn’t unsteady me quite so much, but it’s as if he carries a light of his own. He stands out above all others, and I know in my heart, even when he is married, I shall not look at another. My mother says the Brooke family has gone home today so I am grateful not to spend my last morning seeing Mr Fowle and Miss Brooke together. I do not wish to think about the meeting they may have had earlier this morning. He looks like an engaged man - there is an air of gaiety about him I have not seen for a while. I doubt he will come and talk to me, he hasn’t even noticed I am here.

Jane is pulling me to the pump, and at the same time I see Mr Fowle step forward to greet us. I glance at my sister, sending her a look to show her my disapproval because she has clearly acted out of mischief. But, she has latched onto her cousin Thomas again, so I have only to turn and curtsey, greeting Mr Fowle with what I hope looks almost like a smile.

‘Good morning, Miss Cassandra, I hope you are well.’

‘Yes, thank you, Mr Fowle, I am.’

I cannot look at him, but I feel his eyes on my countenance. He discomposes me more than I can say.

He clears his throat, appearing to be rather nervous, quite unlike his usual confident manner. ‘You are leaving tomorrow, I hear.’

‘Yes … I shall be glad to go home. Bath gets so hot in summer … I crave the cool of Steventon’s green lanes, and seeing old friends will be a pleasure.’

‘I am sorry to hear that. Indeed, I wish your family were staying longer … we have had such little chance to spend time or enjoy much conversation together.’

I want to remind him that it is his own fault that we have not spoken as much as we could, but I remain silent. I wish Jane would come back, but she and Thomas have their heads together talking nineteen to the dozen, as usual.

‘There is to be one more ball at the Assembly Rooms, Miss Cassandra. Are you attending? Another dance with a friend so dear to me would be my heart’s desire.’

I look up, certain that I have misheard him, but he is looking at me with such sincerity in those dark eyes that I can only stare in confusion.

‘I know of no plans to attend, Mr Fowle.’

‘I understand. Am I to be punished for seeming to pay attention elsewhere?’

‘I do not comprehend you, sir.’

‘Oh, I think you do. But, you must not believe the old gossips in Bath who would have me married off, and believe me when I say I should much rather have spent last evening talking to you. Indeed, I would rather have been in your company every evening in Bath. Like you, I must please my parents on occasion and entertain those of their choosing. Please say you will come to the ball … let us dance together one more time.’

‘That will depend entirely on my parents, and I am not certain they shall want to go dancing this evening when we have the start of a long journey to endure tomorrow.’

I do want to punish him, though I really can’t be cross for too long. My spirits are high - he isn’t engaged to Miss Brooke, he wants to talk only to me, and to dance with me again. He’s longed for more time with me in Bath.

‘I hope you will persuade them or you shall leave a certain young gentleman miserable and bereft.’

‘I will do my best, Mr Fowle,’ I say and I can’t help smirking. When I look at him again, he is smiling.