Page 79 of Ash Fall

I can’t believe it only takes two more hours for Gage to finish up the pillars and the roof of the new livestock shelter. The cattle are already inside and happily eating away at the grass. Stu brought his welder up and he and one of the carpenters from Delford managed to put together a pretty decent gate from a small pile of old fencing material that was behind one of the service sheds by the time Gage was finished up. Someone had even brought up a trough and Jules had used his magic to fill it with water, which had returned. Mars said his did too.

What we don't have yet is material to cover the space above the gate or the other open section on the opposite end. The cattle experts had decided that needed to be left open to let light in. It was Milton that came up with the idea of getting reinforced plastic sheeting to cover that side, so we added that to the list of supplies to get from town.

By five the trucks and trailers are empty. Gigi and Kara got a bunch of the rest of the group to work unloading and stacking everything along the west wall of the bay in a long row that looks impressive until you remember it has to feed forty people and the livestock. The food and dry goods sit in one block, with feed and seed in another. Tools and parts fill the end of the row. The cargo trailers are bare metal boxes now, perfect to take to town and fill right back up with supplies to bring back. The motorhome is finally clear enough that four or five people can sleep in it tonight if needed.

Supper happens in two halves, which I notice and decide not to say anything about for now. It’s a rush job because we all know there’s a lot left to do tonight.

Milton had opened up the dry stores and the walk-in freezers for the Delford group. Some of the bus people take over the commercial kitchen and put some food together to get their people fed. Our side eats the chili that Gigi had made in the motorhome. The smell of that chili wafting is a little piece of familiar comfort against all this new.

From where I’m sitting on the edge of a table with my bowl in both hands I watch the badlands go gold through two storeys of glass.

The clock over the buffet says six but it feels like midnight.

"Alright." Anders sets his spoon down and lifts his voice over the room. "Anybody coming to town, we're rolling in twenty minutes. We've got three hours of decent light and I for one want to be back here behind closed doors before dark."

Chairs scrape all over the room. Torrin pulls a napkin toward him and starts writing, and half the table leans in over his arm.

"Dry goods, canned goods – those need to be a priority," Gage says. "Before the stores get cleaned out. Probably perishable groceries too that we can use up in the short term. Pillows, blankets, towels, cleaning supplies. We’re going to need lots of that stuff. The people from Delford didn’t have a chance to get any of that stuff from their homes when their town disappeared so they’ll need clothes and personal supplies."

"The reinforced greenhouse poly from the ag store that Milton mentioned," Mars taps the napkin twice.

"Can someone come with me to help at the pharmacy?" Andrea pipes up. "I want to hit it up for medical supplies, vitamins, that sort of thing, but I’ll need help, at least one person."

"Good call, Andrea," Gigi says from the end of the table without looking up from her bowl. "Put furnace filters on the list too. Every size they carry, and every roll of cheesecloth in that store. You will thank me in a few days."

Nobody argues with her, which tells me that everyone has learned not too.

"Campers," Reid says.

He says it quietly, but Jules picks it up and runs with it. "Campers. There were four dealerships. I remember one of them had a row of fifth wheels sitting right along the road."

"How are we moving them?" Torrin asks.

"They move their own inventory so there should be vehicles there." Tanner has come up behind our table with a coffee in his hand, and every head at it turns. He nods down at the napkin. "Lot trucks, delivery rigs, something. There'll be keys in an office or a lockbox. If there aren't, we'll get them running anyway." He takes a drink. "I've got four guys who can drive whatever's sitting on that lot. You want campers, we'll bring you campers."

There's a pause that runs a half second longer than it should before Anders says, "That's a real help. Thank you."

Tanner tips his chin and walks back toward his own table. I look into my bowl and try to work out why that man makes me nervous but come up empty.

The list gets long, quickly. Milton leans over it and starts naming sizes and brands nobody else at this table would have known to ask for. Then the twenty minutes are gone, everyone has been given assignments and is standing up.

This is the part I've been thinking on since we started eating.

They're all going. Gage, Torrin, Mars, Jules and Reid plus every person here who can lift and drive is going to be out on that road. I’ve spent the last ten minutes quietly trying to reason out why I should be in one of those trucks.

There's no reason for me to be in one. I can't drive a rig with a trailer behind it, and I wouldn’t be much use carrying mattresses. What I can do is stay here and organize.

That’s what I tell myself, but the truth is I want to go because I don’t want them to leave me again.

My body already knows how this goes. It happened in my own kitchen last night, when they said the word leaving and I came apart in front of everyone. My therapist has a name for it, fear of abandonment. Knowing the name of it hasn’t stopped the spiral of panic that runs through me when somebody picks up a set of keys.

They're going twenty minutes down a road we drove this afternoon. To a town with people still living in it. They’ll be back before dark. I can do this.

I set my bowl down and stand up.

"I'm staying."

Five heads turn at once.