Page 151 of Serpent and Shadow

“Why isn’t it burning?” I asked, puzzled. “The amulet?”

He paused, looking down again to meet my gaze. After a pause, he seemed to catch my meaning, and his lips pursed.

“I don’t know,” he said, his voice frank. “Maybe Blackstone cast the spell with some kind of exception so that it would exclude me. He likely wouldn’t have wanted you to get confused by signals from people you know wouldn’t hurt you.” He swallowed, and his thumb lightly caressed my throat. “Are you ready? Or was there something else?”

Thinking, I shook my head. “No. I’m ready.”

I was nervous. Why was I nervous?

I didn’t have a lot of time to think about the reasons why. He closed his eyes, and slowly, gradually, I felt him let go of the hold he had on his magic. I felt him consciously trying to be gentle with it, to not go to fast, to not throw himself into me like he did when he lost control. It reminded me again that his normal state was holding it back, clamping it down, clenching some unseen muscle to make sure too much of it wouldn’t escape.

When it first started to slide into my magical aura, I let out a gasp of relief.

My hands wrapped around his arm as I leaned into him, opening my own magic as much as I could. Just like I’d forgotten how much effort he used to keep his magic under control, I suddenly noticing how I’d been doing something similar since the attack. I’d spent the last three days protecting my magic and myself the only way I knew how, by shielding constantly, flinching away from anything that got too close.

Now I found myself relaxing against his hand and arm, my breath gradually slowing.

I felt him suck in a breath, and then gradually increase the amount of magic he was putting into me, until my skin warmed, my muscles started unclenching for real.

“Is that better?” he asked.

His voice still sounded forced.

I could tangibly feel the control there.

I nodded. “You can let go,” I said, still gripping his arm in both hands. “It’s all right. I feel all right now. I can take a lot more than this.”

“I’m fine,” he said evenly. “Relax, Shadow. Stop worrying about me and breathe.”

I tried to do as he said.

It was difficult when I could feel the strain coming from him. I was starting to close up again, too, just from the proximity of our magics and minds. When feeling his strain turned into stress for me, and then anxiety, I stepped closer to him without thought.

He tensed.

I thought he might hold me off, but after that bare pause, his arm bent, letting me nearer. I let go of his forearm with one hand and wrapped that arm around his waist once I got close enough, pressed my face to his chest. I felt him flinch a second time when I first did it, then gradually start to lose hold over that control thing of his.

His magic began to open more.

Heat flooded into me, making it difficult to breathe, but the relief I felt was so much bigger. He’d either been depleted the other night, or holding back then, too, or else I needed it more now… whatever the reason, I felt so much of him this time, I found myself wrapping my other arm around him, too.

His magic flooded into me, but I could still feel him fighting to control it, conscious of not hurting me after what Mordopast and the others had done. When his hand dropped from my neck and both of his arms wrapped around my waist, I held him tighter.

He pulled his magic back somewhat, and I bit my lip to keep from protesting.

He didn’t let me go.

His magic didn’t close either, but continued to swim like a fiery cloud around both of us. He held me tightly against the length of his body, and lowered his mouth to my neck.

“You saw that newspaper,” he said softly in my ear. “I saw you in your old kitchen, looking at it. Why would you even touch me after seeing that?”

I thought about that. I tried to answer him honestly. In the end, I could only shrug.

“You haven’t explained it to me yet,” I said. “I don’t know who that person was.”

I felt something in him relax, almost against his will.

“Do you want to talk about it now?” he asked.