Page 69 of Serpent and Shadow

“So we’re theorizing my magic,” I began slowly. “Has got some kind of built-in survival instinct?” I met Alaric’s gaze. “That’s what you’re saying, isn’t it? That it knew how to not put me in a deadly situation?”

I thought about that.

“Bones told me pretty much the opposite,” I remarked, folding my arms. “He told me phasing had a tendency to swerve towards situations that put him at risk.” I glanced around at the others. “He said it nearly killed him, multiple times. It jumped him into a dragon’s nest once, when he was only eleven years old. It jumped him to the rim of a volcano… and into a wild monocerus herd…”

I glanced at Jolie, who’d been unusually quiet. She was watching me with worried eyes, her mouth pinched.

“Maybe Cal had a less finely-tuned survival instinct?” Alaric suggested.

We all glanced at him, and Alaric quirked an eyebrow, shrugging. He set down his mug of chocolate, his voice matter-of-fact.

“Cal wasn’t a happy kid,” he stated, his eyes flickering around our circle. “It’s possible his inner voice was a bit more––”

“Suicidal?” Luc broke in drily.

Alaric returned his look, and shrugged. “Possibly.”

He looked between Nyx and Jolie, and then at me, and flinched.

He immediately made his voice apologetic. “I just wouldn’t rule it out, sweetness. He had good reason to be fucked up at that age. Not to mention everything his father did to his magic, which may have warped his more healthy instincts.”

I nodded, thinking about his words.

I understood. I even he was probably right. Alaric didn’t need to apologize or explain, but it hurt to hear his say it anyway. Bones told me he’d already agreed to at least one of his father’s demands. I still didn’t know if he’d meant the vow ceremony Blackstone and I witnessed, or something else.

Leave it alone, love, the familiar voice murmured. It doesn’t matter.

My jaw hardened.

“He warned me,” I said, still staring into the fire. I wiped my face with a hand, biting my tongue to control my expression. “He’s still warning me. Bones. He won’t shut up about it. He doesn’t want me phasing at all.”

They all stopped and stared at me after I spoke.

That’s when it fully hit me what I’d said.

“You’re… talking to him?” Luc asked in disbelief.

I felt my face grow hot. I looked at Luc and nodded. “Yes.”

When they all remained silent, I glanced around, and found four sets of eyes staring back at me. They all looked startled, but maybe Alaric and Nyx looked a little less startled than Luc and Jolie.

“Not all the time,” I clarified. “He doesn’t always answer me.”

“Can you ask him things?” Luc asked.

He’d recovered enough to click back into practical, scientist mode. His lemur primal peered over his shoulder at me, looking at me with large, orange, unblinking eyes.

“Can you ask him how to control the phasing?” Luc asked next.

I exhaled in frustration. “I have asked him that. I just told you. He doesn’t want me doing it at all. The last thing he’s going to do is help me.”

“Convince him,” Luc said, sharper.

Meeting Luc’s annoyed stare, I scoffed. “You think I haven’t tried? He’s… resistant. And maddeningly stubborn. He just yells at me that I’m going to get myself killed.”

“So how would he have us get into the Tower?” Nyx asked, snorting. “Should we knock on the gate like the Praecuri did? Ask if Malefic will pretty please let us in?”

“He doesn’t want me getting into the Tower at all,” I said drily. “He tells me to leave him there. To stop trying to get him out.”