Page 73 of Serpent and Shadow

It looked a lot further away than I really wanted to think about, frankly.

Despite what I’d said to Luc and the others, I wasn’t overly keen to try this experiment, either. The difference was, the anxiety and panic in my chest screamed louder than my fear of physical death.

I was running out of time. I could feel it tangibly now.

As much as I told myself it was just paranoia, or a side-effect of Bones’s silences and the difficulty of being separated from him, I didn’t believe it.

I could hear the clock ticking over my head much more loudly than the pocket watch attached to my belt loop with a golden chain.

“It’s out of the question,” Luc snapped angrily. “I won’t let you do it, Leda, I don’t care what you think you know. It’s suicide!”

“It’s not really, though, is it?” I said, keeping my voice calm. My eyes never left the arched, stone rooftop below. “You’re being dramatic, Lucifer. I understand your fear, but, as you pointed out yourself, it’s worked twice already. There’s no reason to think it won’t work a third time.”

“We don’t know that,” Alaric remarked. “We don’t actually know that’s why it worked. It’s a theory, dearest, and a theory isn’t certain by its nature.”

I turned to glare at him. “We do know it, Alec. And most of human science is built on theories that have been in use for years, if not centuries. Fear of death triggers the phasing, whether the threat is real or not. It’s the only explanation for what happened to me.”

“Bones could have done it,” Alaric pointed out. “Both times.”

“But he didn’t,” I snapped. “And there’s no reason to think he could do that long distance, even if he wanted to, and certainly not collared––”

“The point is, we don’t know anything!” Luc growled. He gripped my bicep in his fingers, as if to yank me back, or maybe just to keep me from jumping. “You said you felt Bones right before you went through last time, didn’t you?” he demanded. “So who’s to say Alaric isn’t right? Why’re you so sure it wasn’t Bones, thinking he was saving you?”

When I looked back at him, biting my lip, Luc raised his voice.

“How do you know he isn’t the only one who can phase, Leda?” he demanded. “He might’ve pushed you into that crypt under the Black Tower. He might’ve been the one who pulled you out, when it looked like you’d been caught. Maybe he pulled you to him. Maybe he pushed you back out. Your magic mightn’t have had anything to do with it! Which means you could jump now, and if he’s not paying attention, or if he can’t feel you for some reason, you’ll crash into the roof and break every bone in your body… including your bloody neck!”

“Leda, he’s right.” Jolie gripped my other arm, the one attached to the hand that held the iron latch. She didn’t hold me as tightly as Luc, but her fingers felt strong. “You said yourself you can’t feel Bones right now. Which means he probably can’t feel you. So how would he possibly be able to help you, even if he wanted to?”

I frowned at both of them.

I could hear the logic of their words and still know everything they said was wrong.

How could they not feel we were running out of time?

Something bad was coming. I felt it so strongly, I struggled to think around the anxiety it caused, much less articulate any of my reasoning to them. I needed to find him, now, before something happened that couldn’t be reversed.

When Nyx spoke, I turned my head.

“Are you sure that’s not what this is about?” she asked, calmer than the others, but just as loud over the wind. “You not being able to feel Caelum? You said you panic when you can’t feel him. Is that what this is? You panicking?”

Luc, Alaric, and Jolie looked at her, their expressions taut once they understood her words. When she saw me listening to her, Nyx maneuvered her small body so that she’d be nearer to me, squeezing between me and Luc.

“You said it makes you sick,” she said, still speaking louder in the wind. “You said you feel dread, like you might die, when you can’t feel him. Right? So you’re not yourself at the moment, Leda. It’s making you anxious. He’s making you less rational.”

Nyx glanced at Alaric, who nodded to her words. Understanding had reached Luc and Jolie’s faces, as well.

Before either of them could speak, Nyx leaned up to my ear.

Her pangolin primal wrapped its tail around my neck from where it perched on her shoulder. It didn’t hurt, but felt more like she was trying to reach me, or maybe even give me some comfort without grabbing hold of me like Luc and Jolie.

“He’s not going to die if you don’t do this, Leda,” Nyx said, quieter. “We can find another way. I promise you. Trust your own words on this… you said that you’re not yourself when you can’t feel him. You shouldn’t be experimenting with phasing right now, for that reason alone. You have no idea where you’ll end up, given your mental state. Wait until you can assess the danger more logically. When you’re more sure of your own motives. Then we can talk about designing some kind of experiment––”

“We’re not ‘experimenting’ like this at all!” Luc burst out angrily.

Nyx glared at him.

So did Alaric and Jolie.