Page 85 of Beast

Annie

MY BODY FLUNG OUT OF the bed like I was possessed. My flesh burned; I clawed at my skin, biting my arms, trying to gnaw away the agony.

Pat shot up from his makeshift bed on the floor.

“I can’t fucking do this, Pat.” My nails raked at the skin on my forearms. I rubbed a palm on my thigh. “I can’t. I can’t. It’s too hard. You can take me back, I don’t fucking care. I need it. It hurts.”

I crumpled to my knees, grating against the rough wood floor, breathing through my breathless sobs. Pat crouched beside me and laid a hand against my back, which was clammy with sweat. I shrieked at his touch and cringed backwards.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” The sound of my scream echoed off the walls of the room. “Don’t touch me. I don’t want anyone to touch me.”

Pat didn’t give up that easily.

I shivered. He wrapped me in a blanket and held me. I resisted at first, and then fell into his arms, searching for relief. Strong, warm, secure. Could he just hold me forever? This patient, kind man. The way he looked at me, the way he took care of my son and me. Why was he helping me, what would I owe him? How could he not want something in return?

Dizzy and lightheaded, I almost left my body. His lips pressed on my forehead and he rocked me until I fell asleep.

19

Patrick

FOR SEVENTY-TWO HOURS, SHE WENT through a merciless detox. The paranoia had set in; it was brutal to watch her suffering, her body quivering. She had her rough moments, where she didn’t want to get out of bed—screaming, crying, and pleading for her next fix. She flipped from being a sweet, yet reserved girl, to a paranoid drug fiend.

Through it all, I tried to be there for her, give her anything she needed, talk her down from the highs, up from the lows. Her behavior didn’t upset or concern me. I knew she would get through this. She’d survived worse.

The heroin had finally left her body, like a ghost of her nightmare.

Kyle, Vic, Dave, and I all did our best to keep Gabriel occupied and away from Annie. During her lucid phases, she explained Gabriel’s grandmother and aunts watched him while she worked. So he was used to being away from her. They would have to rebuild their entire relationship once Annie was healthy.

Kyle, Vic, and I were crammed in the living area, watching television while Gabriel played with a cheap train set Dave had bought him. It didn’t even bother my brothers that they had given up their entire vacation leave to help this girl. I was thankful for them, for my training, and for my ability to have the tactical skills to save Annie.

“Vroom, vroom.” Gabriel pushed his little train around the tracks. “Pat, do it!”

I knelt on the floor. I knew the deal—Gabriel wanted me to race his train around the track with another train, but let him win.

The little boy let out a laugh. I was happy to see him smile, not sure of what kind of life he’d known back in the Caribbean. I had to admit, at first, I saw him as a burden. A living reminder of Annie’s ordeal. But now I saw him as this cute little boy, the light of Annie’s life.

I didn’t want to get attached to him or him to get attached to me. I couldn’t understand the men who dated my mom, played trains with me when I was his age, made me look up to them, and then abandoned us. I never knew where they went, and used to ask my mom when they would be coming back.

Annie awoke and walked into the living area. She played with Gabriel for a bit, then got him ready for bed, and put him to sleep in her room. Vic handed her water and her meds, and she pushed back her crazy hair and gave me that crooked smile I had first noticed in the lineup that day.

“How are you feeling?” She already look better; her skin brighter, her eyes wider.

She nodded her head. “Good. Better. Thanks for taking care of me.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Vic and Kyle headed up to the deck. I wanted to go and hang out with them. “We’re going to be home in two days. Are you excited?”

“No. Scared. Anxious. I don’t know how my parents will react to Gabriel.”

“They’ll love him. He’s a great boy.”

“You don’t understand. My parents are good people, but they aren’t that warm. My dad wants everything to be perfect, you know? A bastard child whose dad was a sex trafficker doesn’t really fit into that picture.”

I didn’t know what to say to reassure her. I was sure she was wrong, though. Who wouldn’t love that boy? It wasn’t his fault his father was a jackass. My father was a complete loser, also. And my mom would love any child I brought home, no matter what the circumstances were.

Annie’s eyes narrowed at me. “Why did you do this, Pat?”

“Do what?”