Page 26 of Stolen Salvation

Turning to her side, she blinked away the gritty feeling of exhaustion making her eyes sting. Sleep would come eventually, but it wouldn’t be restful, it never was these days. It was either filled with images of Noah on the ground dying or…no, she couldn’t allow her mind to go to him.

Her body felt numb as she rubbed a hand over her flat tummy, bringing her legs up to ease the pain she felt. The doctor said her pains were psychosomatic, in her head, part of her grief, but they felt real. The only time she didn’t feel them was when she was busy working or earlier with Noah.

So she pushed on, working until she dropped, trying to eat what she could when her appetite allowed it. That was something else she’d lost, her love of food. Now it was something she tolerated to keep herself alive.

A memory of her taking a burnt turkey out of the oven the first Christmas she’d shared with Noah made her smile. She’d been so keen to impress him and mortified that she’d managed to ruin their first Christmas together. Noah had simply taken her hand, grabbed crackers, cheeses, and an assortment of cold meat from the fridge and dragged her back into their bedroom.

He’d made love to her all day, and in between, they ate their bed picnic and he told her it was the best Christmas he’d ever had. Those were the tiny things she loved about him, how he could turn any situation from bad to good and show her his love in a million different ways.

Noah was her one and only and he’d made it clear tonight was a mistake. Sure, she’d said it first but that was a protective reaction from the pain. A bigger part of her had wanted him to fight for her and tell her she was wrong, that they could work it out.

How wrong could she be? He was probably cursing himself for touching her. Despair and regret were lonely bed fellows.

Swinging her legs out of the comfy bed, she felt exhaustion pull at her body, making it feel weighed down.

Slipping jeans up her legs, she pulled on a white t-shirt and re-fastened her hair into a ponytail. Maybe a walk around the compound would help get her mind off the nightmare her life had become.

Bás had told her she was free to move around as she saw fit, but not to go into the tech room unless Watchdog was there. Apparently, he was very particular about his things and didn’t like anyone touching anything.

Walking past Noah’s apartment door, she paused for a second wondering if she should apologise but decided against it. She’d done enough damage already, perhaps some emotional distance would be best.

A grunt coming from the gym made her step falter and a blush creep up her cheeks as she wondered if perhaps she’d caught someone doing something they shouldn’t. A thud and another grunt had her blowing out a breath of relief.

Pushing open the door, she saw Duchess bouncing on her feet and jabbing at a punchbag. She wore short gym shorts and a bra top, her body littered with tattoos, and she was stunning. She was one hundred percent heterosexual, but if anyone could make her re-think that it was Duchess.

“You gonna just stare or are you coming inside?”

Charlie liked her despite the cool welcome she’d gotten from her. She liked that Noah had people in his life who’d go to bat for him. He hadn’t had enough of that, and the thought released some of the tension inside her. “It’s late.” Charlie walked around so she wasn’t talking to the woman’s back and watched her jab again, one, two. Sweat dripped down her face and neck.

Stopping, she caught the swinging bag and faced her. “Thank you for that, Captain Obvious.”

Charlie laughed, a natural response to the sarcastic reply. She respected that and it was a nice change from people who knew her treating her with kid gloves. Not that there were many in her life, just Andrea and a few friends from MI5 that she hadn’t seen in months. “Yeah, I guess it was kind of obvious.”

Duchess eyed her up and down, her expression wary as if she wasn’t sure what to make of her.

“You can ask, you know.”

Duchess let the bag go and stepped back, her eyes on her gloves as she pulled them off with her teeth and began to unwrap her hands. “So why did you do it?”

“That’s a complicated one.”

Duchess cocked her head in a challenge. “Try me.”

Charlie hauled herself up to sit on the edge of the raised fight ring, looping her body through the rope and leaning forward.

She’d never told a soul why she’d reacted as she had, not even her case worker or Jack, but she found herself wanting Duchess to understand. The words almost bubbled out of her without her conscious thought. “The night I met Noah was like being hit by lightning. I never had a lot growing up. My mum was an alcoholic and I spent much of my time making sure she hadn’t choked on her own vomit or got herself into some shit she couldn’t handle. The rest of the time I was trying to put food on the table. When she died I joined the army. It seemed like a good idea. I was smart, could look after myself, and it guaranteed I’d never go hungry again.”

Charlie watched Duchess take a long pull from a bottle of water and pull herself up to sit next to her. “A few years in I was approached to join MI5 as a case officer. I met Noah and it was like nothing I’d ever known before. It might sound crazy and cliché but he was the missing piece of me. He felt the same and we married and were stupidly happy. He was everything to me. Not just my husband but my best friend. We were a team. It was us against the world.”

Sadness swept over her, time seeming to stand still as memories flooded her, both happy and sad. Her fingers closed around the necklace she wore with her wedding and engagement rings attached. A piece of her past she just couldn’t let go of. “Anyway, after a while we got pregnant and we were both thrilled.” Her voice broke off, as she remembered the hope and excitement as they waited for the line on the test. Noah had been as excited as she was and went to every scan and appointment.

“What happened?”

“It was all fine until Noah had to go away for work. I was on office duty by then so couldn’t go anywhere. I’d asked him to build the crib, but he’d gotten busy and forgotten. I decided to do it and realised I needed a certain tool. I couldn’t find it so went looking in the garage. It was on a top shelf and I climbed on a chair.”

Charlie watched Duchess close her eyes, her long lashes black against her creamy skin.

“I fell and the next day went into labour at twenty-seven weeks. Freddie lived for twelve hours and was perfect in every way but he didn’t make it. I blamed myself for falling and being so irresponsible, and Noah blamed himself for not protecting us.”