Page 52 of Stolen Salvation

Saying it she realised it was the first time she’d talked about this with anyone other than Noah, and the first time she believed nobody was to blame either.

“So now you’re terrified to find out. Because that must be a scary prospect, even if it was planned which I’m guessing this wasn’t?”

Snow held her hand and Charlie squeezed back to let her know how much she appreciated it. “No, not planned.”

“Well, let’s find out what we’re dealing with first before we panic.” Duchess looked at Lotus. “You go to the pharmacy and grab a test before the boys get back.”

Snow raised her hand. “I actually have a spare in my kit.”

Lotus’ mouth fell open. “You too?”

Snow shook her head. “No, but we’re trying, and I’ve become something of a pee on a stick addict.”

Lotus grimaced. “Is that a thing?”

Charlie nodded. “Totally. When Noah and I were trying, I probably tested a hundred times, squinting and thinking I could see a line and sending him pictures to see if he could see it too.”

“Same, Seb is scared to open his phone now in case it’s a picture of another pregnancy test.”

Duchess cocked her head at Snow. “How long have you been trying?”

“Only a few months.”

“Well, go get it so Charlie can pee on it.”

Lotus shooed her away and Snow jumped up from the table and took off upstairs.

“Thanks for this. I’ve never really talked about this with anyone but Noah.”

“I can’t imagine that kind of loss. It does explain why you shot Noah though.”

Charlie looked at Lotus who was sitting on the chair with her ankle tucked under her leg. “How so? Because I’m still not sure I understand what I was doing or why.”

“Control. You couldn’t control what happened to your son, but by shooting Noah and getting him out, you controlled the situation. It might sound crazy, but grief does some strange things to people.”

“No, it’s not crazy, and I think you’re right. I’m just terrified I might go off the rails again and this pregnancy, if I am pregnant, is my biggest fear and a blessing at the same time. I don’t know how to feel, to be honest.”

“Have you ever spoken to someone about it?”

“Not really.”

“I have a grief counsellor who helped me. I can give you her number.”

“Thanks, Lotus, and you too, Duchess. I’ve never had this before and it’s nice.”

“No worries, we got you, Chica. Now go pee and let’s find out.”

Charlie took the test Snow was holding out and headed to the bathroom with the three women following.

“You gonna wait outside the door?”

Three heads nodded and she smiled because it felt good to have this support, to have friends. It had been a long time since she’d had that, if ever. A girl in high school for a few months before her mother had chased her off with her fucked up ways.

Doing her business she washed her hands and opened the door.

“Well?”

“We have to wait.”