Page 73 of Stolen Salvation

Bishop sank to the chair as she looked at him. “Honestly?”

“Yes, we haven’t had enough of that. We need brutal honesty.”

“I’m excited, terrified, worried, shocked. I want this baby with you so much, but I’m scared shitless that something might happen again and I’m not sure I could handle it. I’m worried about you, physically and emotionally. I’m in love with you and this baby so hard it makes me feel weak and yet I don’t want to push any of that on to you.”

Charlie linked her fingers through his. “I love you, Noah.” His eyes caught on hers and he felt the blow before it hit. “But I just don’t know if I can do this. Losing Freddie broke something inside me, and you ended up hurt because of it. That’s a stain on my soul I can’t get rid of and I don’t want to be the person who hurts you again.”

Bishop wanted to beg her, to fall to his knees and promise her anything if she didn’t leave him but that wasn’t a basis for a future.

Letting her go, he backed up a bit as his heart began to crack in his chest. “I understand.” He didn’t. He wanted to bellow at the world and rail at her, but he couldn’t because he knew she was hurting as much as he was.

“I need to get my head straight.” She pointed at the bandages on her head which covered the shaved patch of her skull where Savannah had removed the bullet and saved her life. “Literally.”

“Yeah, that’s sensible.” He needed to get out of there before he broke down and cried like a freaking baby.

“I’m not saying no to a future together, Noah. I just think I need to figure out where I went wrong and see if I can fix that before I try again. Failing for a second time with you would ruin us both and I don’t want that.”

“I’m going to go. Head back to Longtown and catch up on some work. I missed a lot being here, but when you decide, I’ll be waiting.”

He saw tears fill her eyes and wanted to go and fix it, to make it right for her. To tell her he had a right to be involved in the choice about their child, but ultimately he wasn’t sure he did. It was her body and although it almost brought him to his knees to consider, her right to decide if she continued her pregnancy. He loved her so he had to let her find a way to be her own hero as much as it killed him.

“Be safe, Noah.”

“You, too.”

Turning, he pushed through the doors and saw Reaper leaning against the wall, boot pressed against the paintwork. Seeing his face, Reaper stepped forward as if he was about to catch him as he staggered down the hallway.

“Jesus, what happened.” He looked at the door behind him. “Is Charlie okay?”

Bishop caught his hand on the wall and choked out a response. “Yeah, she uh, just needs some time to get her head straight so I’m going to head back to base. Can you keep a close eye on her and make sure she’s safe?”

“Yes, of course, anything.”

“Thanks, man.”

“You gonna be okay?”

Reaper looked like he was seconds away from calling in backup and he couldn’t face anyone else right now. “Yeah, yeah. I just need to get back to work and get some rest and food. Watchdog could probably do with some help on the case.”

“Alright, if you’re sure.”

Bishop squeezed his shoulder. “Yep, yep. All good.” He faked a smile which felt odd on his face before he turned and walked away. Every footstep he took away from Charlie was like a blade in his gut.

He put in a call to Bás and briefly explained he was headed back, trying to leave out as many details as he could. His boss was good with it and didn’t ask many questions and he had a feeling Reaper had probably beaten him to the punch and forewarned him.

The drive in the rental was uneventful but his stomach was rumbling like a thunderstorm, so he hit the indicator and turned off at a service station with a big blinking fast food sign. A greasy burger and fries would hit the spot, and then he’d finish the drive home and hit the sack for a few hours.

Leaving his car, he hit the locks and walked toward the busy services with cars pulling in and out, families going on trips, businessmen talking on their phones, and truckers looking bored as they hung out slightly away from the rest.

His mind was on Charlie and the words she’d said, not in haste or anger but as if she was finally seeing what she needed for herself. He should be happy, but he was miserable. He missed her already. Her smile, her laugh, the scent of jasmine in her hair, everything about her called to him.

It was like being lost and he was rudderless in the open sea, floating and not knowing how to stop it. She was his anchor and he needed her. Perhaps that was why some space to figure it all out was a good idea. He knew a person should never need someone in their life to be able to breathe. As he bit into his burger, tasting nothing, he chewed and knew a healthy relationship involved two people who wanted to be there, not needed to be there.

Scrunching the empty wrapper up he sucked down the last of his coke and carried the trash to the bin. Placing the tray on the top, he was lost in his own world as he headed to the bathroom before he made the rest of his journey home.

Home, a place he knew would feel less because she wasn’t there. His head was down as he walked back to his car after doing everything he needed and he didn’t see the van race up beside him until it was too late.

Four hooded men grabbed him, shoving a cloth bag over his head as he fought back, catching one with a right hook, and causing a groan and a muttered damn before a right hook sent him to his ass as stars swam and the world went dark.