Page 58 of The Doctor

“How fucked up I am,” Clara whispered. “How completely and utterly useless I am without my pills.”

Pills.

Something told me she wasn’t talking about birth control.

“What did he give you?”

Instead of answering, she curled herself around me, tucking her head into the crook of my neck. She sniffled, then stilled. “Xanax. Adderall. Occasionally Lexapro.”

My chest squeezed. “Why?”

“Because I can’t function without them.” She sniffled again. “I can’t function without you and my pills.”

My mind spun, and I waffled between hating myself for not realizing what was going on and hating myself for not helping her. My beautiful, intelligent girl had been struggling with something her whole life, and no one but her fucking drug dealer knew.

“I’ll help you,” I murmured against her skin. “We’ll figure this out.”

“I don’t want anyone to know.” Her shaky voice brought tears to my eyes. “My family already hates me. I don’t want to give them another reason to hate me more.”

“They don’t hate you.”

“Don’t they?” She sat back, wiping her tears. “Who do you think was calling you last night? Who do you think came pounding on your door at three in the morning?”

I pursed my lips, and even though I wanted to, I couldn’t look away.

“Exactly. It was my father, Zeno. He was calling to yell at me. To tell me this isn’t how a Vinci behaves. But I’m tired of trying to be a Vinci. If that’s what I have to live up to, I don’t want to be a Vinci anymore.”

“Clara—”

“I just want to be yours.” Her voice was so quiet I could barely make out her words.

But I did.

And it broke my heart.

“You’ll always be mine, Clara.”

She lowered her gaze. “I don’t think I will.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She ran her fingers over the swirl of ink tattooed on my chest. It was a long moment before she spoke. “I just want you to love me.”

A breath burst from my chest. “I do love you, kid.”

Clara shook her head. “But not the way I love you.”

Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, I tilted her chin up, forcing her to look at me. “How do you love me, Clara?”

Tears filled her eyes, and her lips trembled. “With everything I am.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting against the pain in my chest. That pain screamed I love you too.

With everything I was.

With everything I’d ever be.

I loved her too.