Page 125 of A Very Bellamy Christmas

Chapter 26

Ignorance is bliss, people were fond of saying. Stacia hadn’t really agreed with that maxim until now.

To her eternal shame, it wasn’t the sordid details of his past that she hated learning. No, it was the fact that the man she had been in love with for four long years had loved another woman so deeply. That he still loved her.

His story had not destroyed her tenacious, inexplicable attachment to him, nor even given it much of a battering. After all, Stacia had wanted him even when she had believed that he’d impregnated Sarah and heartlessly abandoned her.

His tale had, however, given her a headache and her belly roiled with too much conflicting, confusing emotion.

“I am going to examine the door,” Lord Shelton said, getting up and leaving without waiting for an answer.

A wave of exhaustion rolled over her. A few moments of rest and some time to ponder what she’d just learned; that was what she needed.

She went to the bed, which she had made after rising, and unbuttoned her ankle boots before lying down.

It felt… heavenly. Just a few minutes of rest…

The next time Stacia opened her eyes again, she could feel that time had passed—not because of any change in light, but because of a heaviness in her body that said she had not moved for some time.

She yawned, pushed up on her elbows, and looked toward the seating area. Lord Shelton was sprawled in the chair she thought of as his, all four candles in the candelabrum burning on the table at his elbow.

And he was reading. Or at least he was holding a book, she amended, her lips twitching into a smile.

And then it all came back to her—the reason she had needed to close her eyes and stop thinking.

What he’d done to his cousin had been awful. But then…what he had done for Sarah had been noble, regardless of his claim to the contrary.

Don’t forget Lady Shaftsbury.

Stacia scowled. Fine. He had done one wretched thing, one ignoble thing, and one self-sacrificing thing.

Those are only the things you know of…

Who am I to stand in judgment of him? she retorted.

You are determined to forgive him. Anything.

Stacia wanted to argue with that, but she could not lie to herself. At least not to that degree. Besides, it was not her place to concern herself with his character. Who was she to him?

His wife, if he has his way…

No.

It is what you want more than anything.

That wasn’t true. What she wanted more than anything was his love.

But you will settle for possession…

Stacia swallowed. The thought of possessing him—even if it was only ever in name—was so intoxicating that she simply could not imagine it. She was terrified that she was not strong enough to resist him, that she would latch onto a future with him like a child reaching for something bright, not caring if what she wanted was as dangerous as a dancing flame.

She needed to keep in mind their past, his dismissal of her so many, many times. She needed to remember that he was still in love with somebody else. She needed—

Use your head all you want; it is your heart that will decide.

***

Andrew looked up and smiled when he heard Miss Martin’s boots. “Are you refreshed? You should be.”