Page 59 of Trying Not to Need You

“He’s such a good daddy,” Ellison says, and her smile is one that reaches her eyes. You can feel the love she has for her husband and daughter pouring off her in waves.

Seeing her this happy has my mind going to Macklin, even when I said I wasn’t going to think about him anymore tonight. I can see him as a dad, and I know he’d be just as attentive as Copeland is. Instinctively, my hand moves to my belly as my phone vibrates on the chair next to me. Grabbing it, I smile when I see his name.

Macklin: Is sisters’ night over yet? Copeland is having withdrawals.

Me: Just Copeland?

Macklin: Every second I’m not with you, Bay.

My heart races, and my cheeks hurt from how big I’m smiling.

“We’ve lost her,” Courtlynn announces. “That smile, you either won the lottery or your man is texting you.”

“Macklin says that Copeland is having withdrawals. He’s asking if sisters’ night is over.”

“Might as well tell him to come on home,” Ellison says. “He’s probably already on his way.” She smiles.

Me: Yeah, he can come home.

Macklin: Did you have a good night?

Me: I did. It’s good to be home.

Macklin: Damn good to have you home, Bay.

Macklin: I’m going to take Dix home. He had a few more than planned.

Me: Be safe.

Macklin: Always, baby. I have my girl to take care of. Sweet dreams.

I hold my phone to my chest, closing my eyes and letting his words hit their mark. Macklin McBride is everything I ever wanted, and if I don’t get out of my own way, I could lose him. It hits me that I’d rather have the pain of losing him than never have had him at all.

Something about tonight, maybe it was talking to my sisters, or maybe it was him calling me his girl, whatever it is, I know I need to see past the fear and take a leap of faith and see where we land. Maybe, just maybe, we’ll be lucky to have a life like my sister and her husband are building.

Sixteen

Macklin

I’ve racked my brain for something meaningful to give to Baylor for Valentine’s Day. I want it to be something special, something meaningful. Finally, after days of thinking, I’ve decided. It’s not a traditional gift, so I’ve also purchased a backup just in case. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, and I can’t wait to give it to her.

Yesterday, I stopped by her office and made sure we were still on for dinner tomorrow night. I asked her a couple of weeks ago, and although I knew she hadn’t forgotten, I still wanted to make sure. Partly because I’m excited to get time with her, and partly because I wanted an excuse to go to her office to see her.

We’re not technically dating—at least, not in her eyes—but for me, she’s my girl. With each passing day, I can feel the walls she’s erected around her heart start to crumble, so you can bet your ass I’ll be there, working my way through the rubble, fighting for her every step of the way.

I’m getting to the estate a little later than usual today. Copeland and his brother, Chandler, were at my place, shoeing the horses. I hung around and helped them, so I hope I didn’t miss Baylor. If she’s not in the stables, I’ll just go to her office or knock on her front door. I just need to lay eyes on her for a few minutes, maybe steal a kiss, and then I’ll be on my way.

Hopping out of my truck, I jog to the side door and push it open, trying to get out of the wind. It snowed last night, so I stomp my boots to get the snow off, and once I’m finished making noise, that’s when I hear it. A sniffle.

I’m on the move, and when I round the corner, I see Baylor, standing in front of Buckwheat’s stall, petting him. I don’t wait to hear it again. I know what I heard. Stepping up behind her, I wrap my arms around her waist and bury my face in her neck. Everything inside me quiets when she’s in my arms.

She sniffles again, and it’s breaking my heart, tearing it wide open. “What’s going on, baby?” I ask her. “Why are you crying?” I keep my voice low, hoping to soothe her in some way.

She shakes her head, but that’s not going to work for me. “Baby, I can’t fix it unless I know what happened.”

“It’s nothing,” she says, her voice raspy from her tears.

“Will you look at me?” I ask gently. She shakes her head again. Releasing her, I step to the side and slide my palm against her cheek, turning her face toward me. Her blue eyes are red-rimmed from her tears, and I fucking hate it. “You can tell me anything, Baylor.”