Page 36 of Fallen Rook

“I’m seeing someone casually.” I cleared my throat. “Very casually.”

“I figured.” She zipped her dress, tugging her long hair and letting it spill over her back. “Your Instagram was the first clue.”

“Ah, shit.” I massaged my eye sockets. “Sorry. Did that bother you?”

“Not at all. Our families probably speculate that it’s me. Do I know her?”

A lump rose in my throat. I pushed it down. “Nah. They’re not from our scene.”

“They?” She elevated an eyebrow, waiting for more.

I was now ninety-nine percent sure I was gay.

Not bi. Not asexual. Gay.

At some point, I was going to tell her. I think. But it’d be nice to establish more trust first. My sexuality wasn’t something I wanted the underworld to discover. A lot of prejudice, homophobia, and stigma still riddled the underbelly of society. Out of my entire extended family, Tierney was the only one who knew the truth. Only because I had been sloppy enough to accidentally upload a picture of my actual face to a gay dating app some years ago before she texted me to take it down when her friend recognized me.

Dodging the question, I pointed at the lipstick Katya now brought to her lips. “No, not that one. Too pale. Go with a maroon. A shade lighter than the dress.”

She tossed the lipstick into her makeup bag and grabbed another one. “You’re right. What was I thinking? How do I look?”

“You look perfect,” I said softly.

Perfect for someone else.

I checked the time on my watch. I had to head to the gym, then work. “All right. Good luck with your not-date. If he makes you uncomfortable, SOS me. I have a soldier on campus to ensure your safety.”

“You too?” She grunted. “Lyosha makes me walk around with two of them. An overkill, if you ask me.”

“It’s for your own safety.” I made a move to end the call.

“Wait, before you go.” She snapped her fingers. “I’m coming back home when it’s a bank holiday here in a couple weeks. I’ve already compiled all the venues I want to check out, the catering, florist, etcetera. Everything is going to cost a little extra, though, because of the rush fee.”

I froze, her words spreading in my veins like a lethal injection. It was becoming real.

“Not a problem,” I mumbled.

“Can you believe we’re going to be married in six months?”

I couldn’t.

Which was why, as soon as we hung up, I scratched the living hell out of my arms, my torso, my back, feeling my skin crawling with the lies I’d spewed to the world.

Gasping for breath, I clawed my skin off my body, desperate to rip chunks of it out and dump it on the floor. Growling, I scraped my fingers on my raw flesh until it turned pink, then red. I tore my way through the pain and the numbness that came after, digging and digging like a dog with a bone, desperate to uncover all the truths that lay underneath the surface I kept so perfectly intact.

Out.

I wanted to be out of this body.

Out of this arrangement with Katya.

Out of the closet.

Cash’s unmaterialized threat was always there, in the periphery of my mind, like a loaded gun aimed at my temple.

Someone already suspected.

Someone wanted to destroy me.