Page 18 of A Christmas Wish for the Village Midwife

‘Because it’s symbolic, that’s why.’ Zoe let out a sigh. She could see she wasn’t getting anywhere. Alex had a plan and he was excited for it, and no amount of discussion was going to put him off. Perhaps, once he had the whole picture, the sheer scale of the task and the amount of work it would take from him would put him off. Billie was right about one thing – with the campsite mothballed for the winter, Alex had too much time on his hands. And he wasn’t a man used to having time on his hands; Zoe was beginning to see that. He’d always been a doer, an entrepreneur, someone constantly looking for the next challenge – sometimes skipping steps he shouldn’t to bring it on. They’d discovered that to their peril earlier that year when their first visitors to the campsite almost finished their fledgling business by threatening to sue them. They’d wriggled out of that situation, but Zoe sometimes wondered if it had been a good thing. It had made Alex far too confident that he could do what he wanted and there would be no repercussions.

He was a different man from the one she’d met when she’d first arrived in Thimblebury, who’d lost his wife and was supporting his daughter through a tragedy of her own. That man was beaten and filled with pessimism, trying to rebuild his life and suspicious of everyone. Zoe had seen him open up since then in a way even she couldn’t have seen coming, and it was wonderful, of course. She liked to think she’d had a hand in that too, and while she loved to see this version of Alex, full of hope and ready to take on the world, she sometimes wondered if he ought to exercise a little more caution. He’d said himself they wanted to stay in Thimblebury and continue to build a life there, but as she’d also reminded him, that meant more than contributing to the physical environment around them – it meant being a part of the community too, learning to fit in with their neighbours and backing down from ideals when it meant the difference between getting along with everyone and being at odds with them.

Alex ran a hand through his hair and then went to see what Billie was doing. Zoe took a seat next to Louisa and picked up the rattle, shaking it around and pulling faces at the little girl, who let out a shrieking giggle as she grabbed for it.

‘How was your day?’ he asked.

Zoe looked up. ‘Good,’ she said.

Billie nodded. ‘Yeah, it was good.’

‘Maisie and Fern are settling in?’ he asked, watching Billie carefully now as she gave her reply. ‘The house is nice?’

‘It’s fine,’ Billie said. ‘They like it.’

‘Not tempted to join them?’

Billie put the lid back on one of the pans and turned off the heat. ‘This is done. If you leave it on any longer, it will be just water.’

‘I don’t think they have the room,’ Zoe said.

‘It’d be like the commune all over again for Fern,’ Billie added. ‘Imagine three of us there all with babies. I’d hate it.’

Alex seemed brighter at this reply. ‘You’re sure you’re both ready to eat?’

‘Even if we’re not, this lot is.’ Billie swept a hand over the collection of pans, some now turned off and some still bubbling away. ‘We’ll have to eat it now before it disintegrates.’

Billie went to get plates from the cupboard, while Zoe fastened a bib onto Louisa. Billie had started to wean her daughter, and though she was careful about what they fed her, Zoe had approved of the pace at which she’d introduced new tastes and textures to her. Not that she knew much about weaning. As she’d said in answer to Billie’s consultations on the matter, Zoe was a dab hand at bringing new babies into the world but not quite so expert on what came later. Perhaps the closest she would ever get now was helping with Louisa where she could because her own prospects of motherhood looked very far away since her diagnosis. She wondered whether that was another part of Alex’s enthusiasm for just about any project he could lose himself in. Perhaps it was his way of avoiding having to face a future with Zoe that did not include children. He had Billie, of course, and he had Louisa, and he’d told Zoe many times he was happy with that, but she worried that the reality was different. He’d once said he wanted them to have a child together. Surely he couldn’t have changed his feelings on the matter so entirely and so quickly? Surely he was only saying now what he thought she wanted to hear, knowing how much it mattered to her own peace with her future?

‘At least it’s soft enough for Louisa without putting it in the food processor,’ Billie said as she scooped a spoonful of carrots from a pan and examined them.

‘It’s not that overcooked!’ Alex said, faint offence in his tone now, even though he was laughing.

‘I don’t know,’ Zoe said. ‘She might have a point. It smells like an old folks’ home in there.’

‘I don’t have to stay here and be insulted,’ Alex said.

‘No, you can go to anyone in Thimblebury and get that,’ Zoe said breezily, causing Alex to laugh properly now.

‘I suppose I could order a takeaway.’

‘It’d be a waste of money, considering we’re not that hungry. And you’re assuming anyone would want to come all the way up here – remember what happened last time we ordered one? They didn’t come.’

‘Yes, well, we wouldn’t use them again, would we?’

‘It’s fine, Dad, stop stressing. We’ll eat this. I’m sure it tastes better than it looks.’

‘I’m not sure if that’s a backhanded compliment or another insult,’ Alex said.

Zoe laughed lightly. ‘I’d say take it in whichever way makes you feel better.’

‘Compliment it is. Little Miss Fussy can cook tomorrow night.’

‘With pleasure,’ Billie said. ‘I’ve just got back from a week of amazing food in Spain – you can’t shock my system like this.’

The smile on Alex’s face faded as Billie turned her attention to dishing out the casserole. From the moment Billie had boarded the flight to visit Luis’s parents, Zoe had been able to see Alex’s doubts. He’d told her he was fine, but he wasn’t. She rested a brief but reassuring hand on his shoulder as she went to get some water from the fridge, hoping it would be enough to tell him that it was OK, that she was here for him whatever happened, or if he wanted to talk through his fears. He’d supported her when things had got tough, and she’d do the same for him.

The remainder of the weekend passed by in much the same manner – with discussions about Alex’s new interest in conservation where he tried to explain what had got him so excited about it, to the point where he even made Billie and Zoe sit down and watch the television programme that had started it all.