Page 17 of A Solid Guide to Surviving a Situationship

Andre shrugged. “Not me. I’m just saying what I’ve observed.”

Andi laughed, “No, that’s so you.”

Andre rolled his eyes.

Honey swirled her wine thoughtfully. “I don’t know what happened to our generation that went from having the intention of building a life together to everyone dating like they’re browsing a menu. Everyone samples the dishes, but nobody finishes them”

“Dating apps ruined romance,” Andi said. “Everyone thinks someone is better in just one swipe.”

Mel pointed at me. “And that’s why what happened with James hurts so much. Because three months feels like nothing on paper, but emotionally it’s everything.”

I nodded quietly. “It’s like being emotionally invested in something that technically doesn’t exist.”

“Wait.” Andre turned to me. “What were you with that guy Victor?”

“We were called exhausting,” I responded, which garnered small laughs from the ladies. I felt drained talking about it, honestly, but I went on anyway. “No, we were in a situationship. There was no formal calling ourselves in a relationship. No promises. Nothing. That’s why it was easy to break and for him, easy to leave.”

“That truly sounds exhausting,” Andre said.

“Modern dating is exhausting,” Andi agreed.

“Try modern gay dating,” I said.

“What’s so different about straight and gay dating?” Mel asked, genuinely curious.

I leaned back slightly. “Well… for starters, in straight dating at least there’s a cultural script. You know—boy meets girl, they date, and eventually someone asks, ‘So what are we?’ Then there’s a label. Boyfriend. Girlfriend. Whatever.”

Andre nodded slowly.

“In gay dating,” I continued, “half the time nobody even knows what the rules are.”

Honey laughed softly. “That’s because there aren’t any rules.”

“In straight relationships,” I said, “society already built the road for you. Marriage. Family. Children. You’re following a map that already existed forever.”

“And in gay dating?” Mel asked.

“In gay dating, we’re basically wandering through the jungle with a machete,” I answered.

Everyone chuckled.

“Or,” Honey added casually, “gays are basically wandering through the concrete jungle with a dildo.”

The room exploded with laughter.

But Honey quickly straightened, waving her hand dismissively. “But seriously. We queer people had to invent our own rules. Our own timelines. Our own definitions of commitment.”

Andre nodded thoughtfully.

“And because of that, “I added, “a lot of gay people stay in this permanent gray area.”

“Gray area?” Mel asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “You’re not strangers. You’re not boyfriends. You’re… something in between.”

“Situationships!” Andre declared.

I pointed at him and nodded. “And unfortunately, gay men—specifically—are also very good at confusing physical intimacy with emotional intimacy.”