Page 68 of Christmas Coffee

Celyn

The sun sank below the skyline of steel and glass nearly an hour ago. I still haven’t eaten anything today. It doesn’t feel like Christmas. There are no presents, no ribbons, no tree. My only companion is silence. After the police took my uncle into custody, I went home and sat down on the couch. It feels like I’ve been gutted, like my insides were scraped out. I’ve been decimated. Everything I cared about is gone. The man I wanted to be my protector, my kin, manipulated me for years and I would have never known—never noticed if Nova hadn’t told me off last night. Something she said resonated and drove me to those filing cabinets. It was a fluke, a complete act of God, that I found that thumb drive. Bardenbey will crumble and there will be nothing left of my father’s legacy. I traded that card in to make sure justice didn’t pass over my uncle a second time.

Flurries flutter from the darkening sky and pass my windows. I sit there on the cold leather couch watching them fall, wondering how the hell I’m supposed to move past this because that’s what’s paralyzing me—I’m completely alone. No one will care if I do anything significant, there will be no one there to catch me when I screw up, and at life’s greatest moments—marriage and children—my half of the church will sit empty. There won’t be a single soul there. Well, that’s not true. There will be one—Quin. He lingered this morning, but aside from handing me whiskey and telling me to get drunk, he can’t help with this. It feels like my fucking heart is missing, despite the rhythmic beats.

I lean forward and put my elbows on my knees and run my hands through my hair and clasp them at the base of my neck. This is the shittiest Christmas I’ve ever had. Karma canters by and sits as far away from me as he can, but he’s no longer shaking around me. I didn’t have much of an option with the dog. It was adopt the nutcase of a canine or take him to the pound. I couldn’t do that no matter how much he hates me. Some of Uncle’s feelings for me clearly translated to the dog, but over the past few hours, Karma seems calmer. His dark coat glistens as he sits by the window, tail wagging, like he wants to run outside and eat snowflakes. The animal doesn’t know what happened today, how much was lost. Lucky bastard.

My doorbell rings. Karma jumps up and slides across the floor, trying to beat me to the door. He probably wants to escape before the threat of lightning later tonight. I can’t blame him. Grabbing hold of his thick green collar, I pull open the door. Karma barks and then wags his tail furiously when he’s confronted with a fat Christmas tree in the foyer.

“Hello?” I try to glance around the branches, but I can’t see who’s holding it. Quin doesn’t have enough sentiment to send me a tree or realize that I even wanted one. “I think you have the wrong address.” I’m turning on my heel to go back inside when I hear her voice.

“I’m sorry, I thought Hot Guy lived here. He has this little coffee place called the Hottie Hut—you know, amazing coffee with girls dressed like a slutty Swiss miss.” She peaks her blonde head around the branches and smiles carefully at me. Her lips press together making her mouth form a thin line, before she continues, “I was afraid you were having a crappy Christmas.”

I’m shocked she’s here, that she hauled a tree upstairs. It’s taller than her. Something inside me wants to send her away and I’m about to when Karma pulls hard and I fumble his collar. He rushes at Nova and plows into her, knocking her to the floor, followed by the tree which topples sideways and lands on them both. Nova screeches and Karma howls.

“Shit! Karma, you crazy bastard. What the hell are you doing? Bad dog! Sit!” I shout out a bunch of other commands, all of which the dog ignores. I can see his tail tangled in the branches as he happily yips and tries to climb out. At least I think that’s what he’s doing. The animal is insane and with Nova’s luck, the dog is probably chewing her face off.

Nova shrieks and then giggles. When I pull the tree upright, Karma is licking her cheek. She’s smiling wide and purely happy. There’s a rosy glow on those cheeks, like she’s been out in the cold. My gaze sweeps to a large red box and some white bags scattered on the floor behind her. I don’t understand why she’s here, but I’m not stupid enough to ask. Instead, I look down at her beautiful face and hope for a miracle.

When Karma runs back into the apartment, I’m left standing over Nova, holding the tree. “I’m so sorry. He doesn’t usually act like that.” He usually cowers and pees on the floor. I suppose this was better.

Nova sits up, wiping the dog drool off her face. “Karma seems to think I’m magically delicious.”

“Yes, he’s charming.” Part of me is bristling. “What is all this, Nova? You were pretty clear that things were over. If this is pity—”

“It’s not pity.” She’s on her feet and tries to grab the tree from me, but she’s too small. She yanks it hard, I pull back. Basically, we’re playing tug-of-war with a large conifer in the hallway.

“Then what is it? Because you don’t have to make a show for me.” I yank the tree again and end up with pine needles in my mouth when she doesn’t let go.

“It’s not making a show.” She yanks the tree hard.

I snap it back. “Then what is it?”

“I don’t want things to end like this. I don’t want—” She tugs the tree.

“What do you want, Nova?” I pull back a lot harder this time.

“I want you, you idiot.” Nova stumbles forward and we fall through the door of my apartment with the tree sandwiched between us. She rolls off the tree quickly and pulls it off of me. She’s on her knees, examining the spots where the branches scraped my cheek. When those emerald eyes meet mine, I don’t have the balls to hope, to believe I heard her right. “What?” I blurt out, sounding annoyed and defensive.

Kneeling by my side, Nova lowers those long lashes and when her eyes meet mine, my chest aches. “I love you, Celyn. What happened before was horrible, what happened to you today was unthinkable. But…” her voice drifts off as she looks around the room.

“But what?” I ask softly, urging her on.

When she looks at me my heart pounds harder, and my throat tightens. I can’t tell if she’s here to decimate me further or make up. There’s no way she’d forgive me after what happened. I blew a lifelong secret from the one person she loves the most. I manage to keep my mouth shut. I want to listen, I want to really hear her because it might be the last time we ever talk.

Nova inhales, filling out her red ribbed sweater. It’s the same one she had on the night we met. There’s a black leather jacket over her shoulders and she’s wearing the fuzzy hat from the Hottie Hut. She looks like a goddess in a silly hat. Nothing diminishes her beauty. The woman could wear a lampshade as a hat and it’d be sexy, because her face, her spirit, her soul is perfect. She’s beautiful inside, so she has this ethereal glow about her. It’s hard to look away, and even harder to ignore.

Silence spans between us and Nova’s eyes are glassy when she speaks. “I don’t want things to end like this. I love you and I always will. I can’t really see how to get past what happened, but I know I want to and I was hoping that maybe we could figure it out together.”

I push up on my elbows as she speaks and I think my jaw has dropped. Is she forgiving me? I can’t fathom it. What the hell is going on? I’m too stunned to speak. I remain mute with my lips parted and my brow knitted together.

Nova averts her gaze and nods slowly. “All right. I understand. Either way, I want you to have the tree and the gift. There’s a cinderblock in one of the bags. It’s for the tree. There weren’t any more stands, so tree guy gave me the block.” She smiles sadly at me. “Merry Christmas, Celyn.” Her back is to me and she’s leaving.

I’m on my feet, and all I can think is that I’m going to lose her again because I’m such a fool. What she said formed a lump in my throat and I can barely make a sound. I rush toward her, tripping over the tree in the process. My body collides with hers and I accidentally shove her into the elevator doors. Her curves press against me and my mind is screaming at me to say something, say anything!

I’m still a sputtering fool, when the elevator doors open. Nova tries to catch herself, but I’m there. We fall to the floor, me on top. Nova lets out an oof as her back hits the wooden floor. Speech returns to me in a rush when I think she’s hurt. “Are you all right? Nova, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry—for everything. I should have never pulled that report. I could tell something was weighing on you and I convinced myself that I could help if I knew what it was. I was an idiot and it was wrong. I’m so sorry, about that and about Tinselly. God, Nova, I have no way to tell you how sorry I am…and now you’re here. I love you, Nova.” Tears well up in my eyes and spill down my cheeks. “I always will.”

I start to roll off of her, but she grabs hold of my sweater, holding me in place. Her face crumples and she sobs, “I thought you didn’t like me anymore. I thought—”