Page 71 of The Intimacy of Finding You

“My baby.” She rocked us back and forth on the ground, soothing me the best way she knew how. “It’s all gonna be okay now. You hear me? It’s all gonna be okay. Mama’s here.”

Mama’s here.

There was nothing that could ever compare to Mom’s ice-cold, sweet tea. I never could remember how much sugar she put in it or how she got just the right-strength brew, so I’d never made anything close to how she did it.

Callum, on the other hand, took one sip and coughed, looking away guiltily. Yeah, Southern sweet tea was nothing like they served in New York.

Mom and I were wearing matching red eyes and swollen noses, sitting across from each other in the living room. I felt for Callum, seeing as I’d had to awkwardly introduce him after he’d watched Mom and me collapse in on each other.

She was still wearing her robe, her elbows placed firmly on her knees as she looked at me. “So, y’all back together, huh? I never did get to meet you back then, Callum.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you, ma’am.”

Mom huffed, waving her hand in front of her face. “Just call me Mom. I’d assume you’re gonna be family in no time.” She leaned back in the raggedy loveseat I knew she’d never get rid of. “Speaking of time… Not that I ain’t grateful, but why now? Why’d it take you this long to come back and see me?”

Right. The question I’d been dreading the entire trip down here. “I’m sober.”

She smiled, big and bright. “Well, I could tell that. I’m proud of you, son. Real proud of you. You know how worried I was? Gosh, I thought I’d end up havin’ to settle with an urn to get you back here.”

“No, Mama. I’m a full month sober now. I, uh, needed some help findin’ the will, but… Callum found me, actually. He found me, and I finally got my shit together.”

She turned to Callum. “I liked you way back when, but I sure like you a lot more now. Thank you.”

“Oh, no reason to thank me.”

“Sure there is. You brought my son home to me. Even though it’s meant to be the other way around.”

Callum shook his head. “I’m just glad I’ve got him in my life again. He’s done all the work to get here.”

Mom raised an eyebrow at me. “You ever tell the boy why you left in the first place?”

“Yeah, I did. I told him.”

“You were always so quiet about that. Wouldn’t say a word. You gonna tell me ‘bout it now?”

I felt myself sink into the couch. Foreign claws wrapped around the edges of my heart, holding onto it so tightly, I wondered when they’d break through the muscle. How much did a heart bleed when it was broken into? Mine must’ve almost been out by now. “Yeah, Mama. Yeah, I’m gonna tell you.”

“It’s somethin’ bad, ain’t it?”

I nodded.

Her lips pursed together, her face relaxing into something far more sullen. “You got that same look on your face as you did when I took you from camp.”

I nodded again.

I watched as her chest rose and fell through a deep breath. She tugged her robe tighter around her shoulders before nodding. “Okay. Alright, I’m listenin’, baby. I’m ready.”

Was she? I could only imagine the pain she’d feel when she finally knew. When she heard the words come out of my mouth that couldn’t be taken back about the man she’d claimed as her second son.

Guilt. It was a powerful, overwhelming thing. It caused shame and kept life from being lived again. It kept me silent. It kept me miserable. It kept me from wanting to see the look on my mother’s face when I told her just how much pain I’d been through. My pain was her pain. I’d known that even when I was little.

My heart beat because of her own, pumping with her blood and her blood alone. My dad was a deadbeat, leaving her to raise me all on her own. I respected her. I loved her. And I was about to fucking crush her.

I leaned forward, setting my cup on the table in front of the couch. There were no kind words I could say, no ways to make it easier to hear. There was nothing I could do to sugarcoat what’d happened. So I didn’t. And I found that to be easier. “Mason abused me from the time he moved in until he went off to the army.”

For a second, I wondered if she’d even heard me. She just stared at me, her face frozen in the same expression. Until a barely there sheen glossed over her waterline. “What? Mason did what?”

Callum wrapped an arm around my waist, keeping me close as I tried to say it all. Tried to admit to it. “Abused me. Touched me. He molested me, Mom.” I searched her eyes, looking for the comfort I’d deprived myself of for so fucking long. “He molested me.”