Page 21 of Wedding Wrecker

A concept which shouldn’t bother me, since he’s not mine.

But it does.

I take a small piece of deep-fried carrot and drop it to the floor, for Jekyll to munch on. The food looks and smells delicious, but my stomach feels like there’s a tangle of barbed wire stuck in there, so I keep sampling the different types of sake and waiting until the small portions of alcohol accumulate to loosen me up.

How did I get to this point? I’ve led a simple yet happy life, but within three months of meeting my bride, my existence has become something I never wanted, and at this point feels like a cage I can’t escape.

I might not understand her well enough to answer questions correctly, but she doesn’t know me well either, and this men-only banquet makes it glaringly obvious.

But then again, we’ve only known each other for a year, and she is a nice person. Surely, we can smooth out the wrinkles and start a family together. Isn’t that the kind of fulfillment many people can just dream of?

Jude bumps his shoulder into me with a big smile. “Fantasizing about the big day tomorrow?”

The moment me says that, I realize my gaze has drifted to Logan. Again. Because I keep noticing new things about him. No matter how mean and spiteful he is, I remember his scent so vividly, and his scruff is a bit longer than it was this morning. It reminds me of the way it was that night we met in the stables. He’s also spent a lot of time outside, and his cheeks and nose have been touched by the sun. I wish I didn’t notice all those things, but I can’t get him out of my head.

I freeze when he meets my gaze from across the table, but Jude is there to divert my attention.

“I’m jealous. No point in waiting to get married, I know that now. And while it pisses me off that my little brother caught himself such a perfect fish before me, I’m not giving up,” he says with a slight lisp and asks for more sake. His face is already red, but then again he could never hold his drink.

“No reason to. You’re handsome, confident, you know how to manage a ranch. All you need is to meet the right one,” I say and squeeze his shoulder.

“I’ve been talking to that girl at the welcome dinner, Kayla. She dresses a bit odd, but she’s got those… swaying hips if you know what I mean. But I can’t figure her out.”

Oh. So Jude never got the memo about Kayla being a lesbian.

I clear my throat. “Maybe I'll ask Madison if she can set you up with a like-minded girl.”

Jude sighs and starts emptying his newly filled cup. “I never thought I’d be ready. I was always eager to just have some fun while I took care of business and all the other important things. But I’m ready now. I want a girl of my own, and a couple of kids. I tell you, she might dress weird, but she seems modest, and I get the feeling she wants the same things I do.”

I glance at Logan, hoping he could break it to Jude that his ex is most definitely not up for what Jude was offering, but he’s only watching me with a mocking half-smile.

Fine. I’d be the one to speak, because I can’t stand the idea of my brother hitting on a lesbian.

“She’s not into men. So better look for someone else.”

He sits there, too stunned to even drink, his mouth in a perfect O. “Oh. That makes some sense actually. Are you sure though? She doesn’t seem the type.”

Now Logan chooses to speak. “Many people don’t seem the type. She just likes pussy, simple as that.”

Jude frowns, looking thoughtful. “I mean, I can relate.”

Logan snorts. “I bet you can. All I’m saying is that there’s no way to tell with some people.”

Jude shrugs and swallows a small sushi roll. “Maybe with women, since they’re more… flexible when it comes to sex. But with guys? I can always tell when a guy’s a homo.”

The cup of sake slips through my fingers, but I manage to hold on to it and pin my eyes to the glass fish sculpture that serves as the centerpiece of the table spread. Jekyll whines and puts his head on my knee, as if he senses the change in my mood. I pet his head, trying to disassociate from what I heard.

In a town as small as ours, there are no openly gay people. Jude could have seen some more stereotypical person while out in Austin, or seen them on TV, but it’s not like he’s ever had a reason to seek out sensible information. He’s a simple guy, and he likes to see the world as logically organized. I can’t blame him, but I still feel alienated.

I don’t feel like a different person since that night with Logan. I’m still the same Kyle Hone who loves horses and wants to be a vet one day. I just happened to enjoy a man’s body.

It doesn’t change me.

Or so I tell myself, because I definitely feel changed. Logan scratched my surface and I can never go back to who I was before.

“And how would you tell?” Logan asks, cocking his head at the sushi. He hovers his fingers over the fried vegetables but then pulls back empty-handed.

Jude spreads his arms. “I’m not even talking about the obvious ones who wear makeup and women’s clothes. Even those who seem normal at first glance have something odd about their speech or movements, or the way they look at you.”