Page 66 of Hollywood, Ending

“I love that we got to make such a beautiful movie about such a beautiful weirdo,” Matthew says. “And the tracking. Have you seen the tracking?”

I don’t want to confess that I’m not actually sure what tracking is, so I just say no. Matthew ushers us down to the couch, and Juniper sits with her feet tucked underneath her. “We’re tracking for twenty million–plus on opening weekend,” he says. “With a movie about Andy Warhol. Incredible. How’s the press been for y’all?”

“Hard,” I say. “But it’s fun to be with Juniper.”

“He’s good at it, too,” she says. “You’d never know he hates being famous.”

“There’s upsides and downsides,” Matthew says. “Most careers involve trade-offs. But it’s hard to complain when you look down at Central Park.”

“And your original Warhol,” I say.

“Yes, and that. You’ll get here, both of you. You’re both so ambitious and smart and ready for this.”

“Thanks,” Juniper says, although I’m not sure it’s a compliment.

_____

Over dinner—vegan ravioli with mushroom filling—Matthew regales us with stories of other famous actors, his favorite people to work with, and some of his least favorites. He tells us that when he was young and still did his own stunts, one time he was in a car that flipped over four times and the shot was perfect but he got sick to his stomach while the car was flipping and vomited, and then the car kept rolling, and his own vomit kept flying into his face as the car overturned. He tells us that his team wants him to be the villain in a new Spider-Man movie but he only likes villains who can make a strong and straightforward case for their worldview, and Mysterio is what he calls “more of an Iago type.”

Juniper asks him to explain, and Matthew gives us an introduction to Othello—he says that in the play, the villain Iago acts sinisterly in his own interest, but it’s so malevolent and dishonest that it’s more repulsive than the villains Matthew likes to portray, the ones who are fighting for a cause greater than themselves but in a deplorable manner. “There needs to be a fatal flaw,” he says. “Something noble the villain wants too much.”

Matthew shifts back into Hollywood storytelling mode. As if it’s an amusing anecdote, he tells us about the time a major Hollywood star pulled a gun on him, and how he thought about pressing charges but didn’t want to ruin his costar’s reputation.

I think of what my teacher used to say to me, quoting Auden. If we ever got caught, he told me, he’d be “punished under a foreign code of conscience.” Weaponizing poetry against me. I think about how everyone knows now, that people see me and think, That guy got abused as a kid. Maybe it doesn’t matter who leaked it. Maybe it’s like one of those Chinese dragons where a lot of people are under the dragon costume, some in the tail and some in the head and some in the middle. Maybe I don’t need to know which person inside the dragon told the world, because really, the dragon did it.

7

We’re on our way back to the hotel when Juniper’s phone rings. “Katie,” she tells me.

She answers, and I watch Juniper’s face empty of color as Katie is talking. “Yeah,” she says. After a long pause, “Yeah.” Another long pause. “Got it.” Another. “He’s actually with me.”

She hangs up, and right then, Ellen calls. I send it to voicemail.

“What was that about?” I ask. Juniper looks ashen.

“Apparently there’s a Twitter thread. By one of the other kids who got abused. Let’s just look.”

She opens Twitter and finds it immediately, because my name is trending.

The truth is, Kai Laramie never said a word about the abuse. If he had, I might have been spared the worst thing that ever happened to me. Instead, I revealed the abuse. I told the principal of our school.

Kai knows this, and he still let the headlines read shit like HERO MOVIE STAR STOPPED HIS ABUSER DEAD IN HIS TRACKS or whatever. But Kai never said ANYTHING. Obviously he’s a victim in this, but claiming he’s a hero is a bit much.

Just for the record: I turned him in. Kai testified because I had a weed charge on my record and the prosecutors thought that would hurt my reliability as a witness. I’ve been through hell with this.

It’s fucking humiliating to be put through more hell that makes Kai seem like some kind of superhero and completely ignores what I did. It’s typical of the media, of course, but someone fed them these lies and we all know it was Juniper Castillo.

She’s so obviously behind all this. She wants to be a star so fucking bad. You go on her Instagram and it’s nothing but her and Kai, her sweet and innocent and heroic Kai. But the story is a lot more complicated than the media will tell you.

The truth is, Kai got abused and said nothing and now he’s a hero. I got abused and said something and now I’m nobody? Well, I call bullshit. Come out with the truth, Kai. And have your girlfriend apologize for retraumatizing both of us.

The first tweet in the thread had over ten thousand retweets. The first reply, with over five thousand likes, was Sorry this happened to you, bro. Typical Hollywood bullshit.

The second reply: These two are such fucking phonies both of them. He’s Mr. Stolen Valor and She’s Mrs. Pretend to Love Kai While Hanging All Over Charles Oldham. Probably made up all that bullshit about her poor, dead mother.

My stomach is in my throat. “Is that true?” I say finally.

“Is what true?”