Page 105 of We Drank the Dawn

“You want me to come back later?”

“No, it’s alright.” Bea came out to the porch instead of inviting me in. “We have these rocking chairs. Maybe if I nurse and rock her for a little bit while we talk, she’ll fall asleep. I’ll probably get interrupted though.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. Do whatever you need to.”

A soft wooden groan filled the quiet as Bea eased into a rocker. “There’s one right behind you, too.”

Finding it easily, I sat down.

Bea talked to Wren. “Let Momma rock you while I talk to Uncle Peter.” Wren whined again but fell silent after a few moments.

Uncle Peter. That still sounded funny to me. I had three nieces, and due to the nature of Hollie’s marriage with her first husband, I hardly knew her daughters. And I didn’t know Wren either. Technically, I had an honorary nephew that I’d rarely spoken with. The realization filled me with an inexplicable sadness I couldn’t put words to. Part of me didn’t want to get to know them—I didn’t have much experience with kids, and I didn’t want to know the joy I’d robbed Sarah of.

But another part of me itched to at least try.

It felt like yesterday Bea texted the family group chat about the cowboy from Texas she fell in love with, and suddenly, here she was, shushing his baby on their front porch.

“You’re a mom,” I said, breaking the silence. “It still doesn’t seem real.”

“I know.” She softly laughed. “It doesn’t to me, either.”

“How is it?”

A smile stretched into her voice. “It’s the hardest and most wonderful thing I’ve ever done.”

I wasn’t the kind of person who rehearsed words or practiced what I would say before a conversation, but as silence fell over us again, I wished I’d taken a moment to plan. Sucking a deep breath, I held it, waiting for the words to arrive.

But Bea stole my chance. “I talked to Sarah yesterday afternoon.”

Stunned, I exhaled. “You did?”

“Yep.” She let the p pop. “I picked up the phone and gave her a call. You should try it sometime.”

Ignoring the jab, I pressed. “How is she?”

“She’s doing how you would expect. Barely concealing her rage but pretending she’s fine.”

That was Sarah all right. “What’s she been up to?”

“The usual. Working seven days a week. Jackie’s trying to slow her down.”

My jaw tightened. “She’s been doing that for a long time. I don’t know why. We have plenty of money.”

“I don’t think it’s about the money. She’s having a hard time being alone.”

And she would protect our savings account with her life. But I didn’t volunteer that information.

I let my head tip back onto the chair. “Did she mention me?”

Bea snorted. “Yeah, but you don’t want to know what she said.”

“I do, actually.”

“She told me…” Bea’s voice strained against rising emotion. “She told me she’s breathing for the first time in months.”

The words landed like a punch to the gut. I struggled for my next lungful of air, sufficiently stunned into breathlessness. The only response I could muster was a quiet curse.

“I’m kicking myself for drawing the wrong conclusions. I knew you were struggling, Peter, but Hollie and I had no idea it was this bad. Between conversations with you and conversations with Mom, it seemed like you were having a hard time being alone at home and were sad because working for the firm remotely wasn’t a good situation. I had no idea my brother couldn’t even pull himself out of bed. Or that his marriage was falling apart. When you stopped calling me back, I don’t know, I chalked it up to you having other things to do and didn’t think too much about it since we’ve had seasons where we talked less, but I should’ve pushed⁠—”