Page 167 of We Drank the Dawn

“But…I have a confession about the list, too.” She stopped, tugging backward on my hand until I turned to face her. I expected her voice to be sad, but it lifted, coming through a wide smile. “I cannot believe I’ve never told you this.”

She actually giggled.

A smile swept across my face. “What? Tell me.”

Her free hand grabbed mine and we stood facing each other, our hands connecting us on both sides. “I was so embarrassed by what I did that I put it out of mind and never thought about it again, but remember the day you told me to write a list?”

I nodded.

“You told me to write down all the things I would need to do to have a beautiful life so I wouldn't forget what I wanted. Well, I went home that night and wrote a list, but it wasn’t the list I showed you when you asked to see it.” Her words came fast, excited. I tried to predict where this was going. “You acted like you wanted to spend time doing things off the list with me, so I spent all of literature and math class that morning rewriting my list as fast as humanly possible. Everything was completely off the cuff, not premeditated at all. Just anything I could think of.”

I started laughing.

“So the idea of it being life goals is completely false. I just started writing things I thought me and my new cute boyfriend could have fun doing together.”

“No way.” My head tilted back.

“Granted, completing the list totally became a life goal, but it’s not the original list.”

I waited for her next words. “So what’s on the original?”

“Tonya mentioned seeing it on my desk in my room. And that was the first time I’d thought of it in years, so I went through old boxes of stuff trying to find it. Well, I found it and”— she dug into her pocket for her phone—“I took a picture. Want me to read it to you?”

“Yes.”

She cleared her throat, her voice suddenly serious. “It says…be Peter Thompson’s Sunshine Girl.”

I chuckled.

She continued. “Hold Peter Thompson’s hand. Go to homecoming and/or prom with Peter Thompson. Kiss Peter Thompson. Go on an adventure with Peter Thompson.” Her voice cracked, and it was at that moment I realized every item on the list was going to have my name in it.

Emotions gathered so heavily in my throat that I stopped breathing.

“Graduate with Peter Thompson. Go to college with Peter Thompson. Become Mrs. Peter Thompson.” Her voice broke over the next entry. “Have Peter Thompson’s babies.” Finally, she croaked out, “Grow old with Peter Thompson. And that’s it. That’s the list.”

My jaw hung open in disbelief.

“So, all that to say…” Her hands slid up and around my shoulders, settling on the back of my neck as hot tears brimmed in my eyes. “My end game has always been you.”

Holy hell I did not deserve this woman.

“Every time you’ve given me yourself, you’ve made my wildest dreams come true. From the very beginning the most beautiful life I could imagine for myself was a life right by your side. Somehow, that truth got buried under the years of struggle, but you’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

I couldn’t speak.

I had desperately needed to hear her say that.

“I know I probably made you feel like you alone weren’t enough…and I’m so sorry, Peter.” Her voice pulled tight, holding back a flood of emotion. “Have you felt that way?”

I swallowed down the feelings in my throat, trying to sort the truth from my perception. “I think, when I was struggling after the accident, you leaned on the list, too. Probably just seeking it out as a way to hold on to normalcy, as a way to connect. But, there were some moments where I felt like you weren’t going to be happy unless I reverted back to the old Peter who could help you chase all those things and give you your big family. And I didn’t think I could be that person anymore.”

“Oh—I’m sorry.” She let her forehead fall onto my chest, her voice muffling. “I’m so sorry. Without all of it, you are enough, Peter. You are.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” I rubbed her back, squeezing her closer to me. “We’re okay now, I promise.”

She sniffled, rushing through her words in frustration. “I don’t want to do anything on the list anymore. All of it—let’s just forget about it.”

I turned her face to mine, unable to quell my growing smile. “All of it?”