Page 43 of An Orphan for the Broken Duke

That was a thought that he struggled with often. Worse still, he wondered if he had changed. That he was doing this to try and right his wrongs was surely proof that he was not a better man. He wanted to help Lucy because it was the right thing, but he was always led by his guilty conscience.

What would it take to prove that he had changed? What did he need to do to escape his guilt? And was such a thing even possible?

“She is a sound sleeper…” the soft voice drifted from behind Rhys.

He did not turn, for he knew who had spoken. But he smiled to himself, still with his eyes on Lucy. “Easy to do when you have not a care in the world. I envy it.”

“As do I,” Violet said. He heard her footsteps slowly walk across the room and towards him.

“And what is it that you have to be concerned with?” he asked her, still smiling gently. “Your debts are cleared. Your sister’s future is secure. And Lucy…” He watched her a moment more. “Lucy has a life that she deserves. She is loved, looked after. You did that.”

Violet moved behind him, but she did not stand next to him at the cot. He felt her watching him, rather than Lucy, just as he felt her worry.

“There is always something to worry over,” she said. “Even when there is not…” She laughed softly. “I have spent so long with such burdens that they are hard to simply forget.”

“I know the feeling,” Rhys sighed. “I fear it is my natural state. No matter how good things are, I will always find something to trouble me.”

“As will I,” she said. “Maybe when this one grows up…” She laughed again. “Maybe then, I will finally sleep easily.”

Rhys chuckled at the banter.

They had been married for a week, and still he could not stop himself being impressed by Violet. Where he wanted to help Lucy because he hoped that it would make him feel better about his past, she wanted to do it for no other reason than that she was a good person.

In some ways, it made Rhys feel like a fraud. In others, it inspired him beyond what words could describe.

His marriage to Violet had been for pure convenience, and not once did he consider that by being around her, she might inspire him to be better. More than that, he wondered often if, when he changed—if such a thing was possible—it might make him happy.

And could I ever be happy with Violet? Not because of her, but for her…

He turned from the cot so that he could get a better look at her. She stood in darkness so that she was little more than a shadow. Still, her eyes glowed in the dark, watching him always, and with a look that was not judgmental or cautious, but honest and open… even happy to see him.

And that single look made Rhys stand a little taller. It pushed away his doubt and self-loathing. It made him want to be the person who she saw.

“What are you doing awake?” he asked her.

“I could not sleep,” she said. “I was thinking about tonight and…” She hesitated and he saw her lips purse together in the dark. “You did not have to stand up for me, Rhys.”

“I told you I did,” he said. “And please, do not thank me again. I did not do it for that reason.”

“I know,” she said, smiling at him. “I was wrong about you, you know. When we first met, I was so sure…” A shake of the head. “I convinced myself that you had some duplicitous motive. I was so certain that you wanted something. In my mind, there was just no way that you could be good, that you would do anything for the right reasons.”

He winced, and he was glad for the darkness. “But were you wrong? What if you were more right than you realize?”

She scoffed, but it was playful. “Are you trying to convince yourself or me?”

“I do want to help Lucy, Violet. That was not a lie. Only…” He looked away as if worried she might see the shame in his eyes. “I want to do it so that I will not feel such guilt over what happened with Eleanor. My motives are not nearly as pure as you pretend.”

“Rhys, that is not…” She took a step towards him. “Everyone has a past, Rhys. Everyone has demons they are trying to escape. But most refuse to admit to them, and few dare to try and make a difference as you are doing.”

“You do not,” he said. “You help people, Violet. And not because you are trying to prove something, but because it is who you are.”

She laughed. “Is that what you think?”

“Am I wrong?”

She did not speak at first. Lips pressed together, he saw in her eyes the wheels turning behind her head. She was trying to find an excuse of some kind, a way to make him feel better. And that she would go to such lengths… again, she was a better person than he deserved.

“I might have married you because of Lucy,” she began as she took another step closer, now standing less than two feet away. “But I did it because of my debts, too. Those reasons were selfish.”