Page 11 of Love Sanctioned

“Night, y’all,” he yelled over his shoulder, leaving me and his father on the first floor.

“Pancakes?” he asked, bringing a smile to my face. It was moments like this that made it impossible for me to walk away and stay … away. Though he didn’t talk, he listened and he retained. Things you’d think he forgot or didn’t acknowledge flowed from his lips weeks or even months later. Posydiann had me feeling like I was the crazy one in this situation. Because how the hell was I supposed to leave a man alone who knew me as well as he did. I was the crazy one, asking for more when this should have just been fun.

I sighed. “No, you don’t have to make me pancakes. We’re supposed to talk, remember?”

“We can talk while I make you these pancakes.”

“I don’t want no damn pancakes Posydiann.”

He laughed. “You do and you wanna watch your fucking tone. I ain’t some meek ass nigga.”

I was silent, just staring at the back of his head. Because yeah I did want a fucking pancake, but he didn’t have to tell me I did.

He went into the fridge and grabbed the butter and milk, then into the pantry for the pancake batter. “For a motherfucker who wants to talk, you sure ain’t doing no talking.” He turned around with a silver bowl and the contents to mix for pancakes. Did I mention he made the best pancakes?

“’Cause I’m waiting for you to talk. I always do the talking,” I responded, watching him focus.

“You said I’m ruining you. How?” He cut his eyes between me and the task at hand. There was fire in them, heavy and blazing, like my statement bothered him.

I swallowed hard, bitching up immediately. “You went from telling me you weren’t good for me and to stay from over here to telling me I’m not going anywhere. You have all these things going on in your mind, but you only allow small spillage. I can’t read your mind, and as much as I’d love to be able to, there is no way. Some days I feel like you want me, but others I feel the distance. You tell me I have you, but do I? You give me whiplash and the crazy part is I accept it.”

He stopped mixing the batter and just stared at me. It was that look that let me know he heard everything I said but didn’t know how to verbally respond.

“See.”

“I told you from the beginning I wasn’t a talker. If I remember correctly, you told me you could talk enough for the both of us. Perfect match, right, baby?”

I shook my head at him using my own words against me. “Posydiann.” I was so naïve when I said that shit, so damn dumb.

“Nah, don’t Posydiann me, Syn. Lemme lay this shit out on the table for you and make it clear, so we don’t end up here again. This is me and you, Karsyn. You belong to me and I to you. If you ever think you’re gonna be with another, be ready to duck ’cause I’m sending hot shit. Yeah, I told you in the beginning that this wasn’t it. Shit I also told your ass to steer clear of me, but did you? You didn’t give me a choice. You made me like this with you. Now deal with it, ’cause we together till the fucking casket drops. I don’t know who else you gotta go tell that shit to, but make sure you got it through your thick ass skull.”

I’d be lying if I said the way he talked to me didn’t turn me on. It was something about natural authority. I feel like he threatened me, but I didn’t have anything to say back. He meant what the fuck he said.

I swallowed hard as hell, looking anywhere but at him.

“Oh what, you're done talking?” He turned around and poured the contents of the bowl into the pan.

“No, I just don’t have anything to say. You seem to have everything figured out, even though I told you I was leaving you alone. I’m not forcing you into anything you don’t want. And then you’re making this all seem so easy, when we both know it’s not.”

“Baby, you speaking a whole bunch of bullshit and quite honestly fuck everything you just said. It’s as easy as we fucking make it. This is me and you, fuck anybody else.”

If I wanted to leave him alone for real, I wouldn’t have been here. I would’ve been at home, right? If I didn’t want all he was seemingly offering me at this moment, I wouldn’t have agreed to be here… I wouldn’t be standing in his kitchen.

“And if at any point this doesn’t work for you, I need you to tell me. Don’t string me along and waste my time.”

“Nah, this shit we’re doing right now is wasting time. Now grab yourself a plate and come get your food.”

A toothy grin filled my features as I moved to his cabinet to grab the plate. It made me think back to the first time he made me pancakes… that night.

“Yo, you good?” he asked as I entered the kitchen where he stood over a stove flipping something.

“Um I don’t know.” I dried my hair from the shower I had just taken. It took several washes before I felt clean, like I wasn’t wearing someone’s brain matter.

“Are you hungry?”

“No.”

“You are, come here.”