Page 32 of Love Sanctioned

“You’re lovesick.”

I looked from the TV to her, blinking a few times before I shook my head. “I’m good.” I was lying, I was the furthest from good. I didn’t realize how much I loved Karsyn until she walked out of that door. She didn’t know it, but she had taken my heart as well.

“Nah you’re not. So you need to go fix whatever you broke.”

“It ain’t that easy, Ma.” I looked at her from the TV.

“When it comes to matters of the heart, it never is, but if you love her like I know you do, you’ll fix it.”

I didn’t acknowledge what she said; I just looked at the TV.

She left because I heard the door when it closed. I never looked up to see for sure. My eyes were glued to the screen, watching with absolutely nothing in mind.

Hours later I heard the door open again. I refused to look toward it because I didn’t feel like being bothered.

“Yo, you're sitting here looking like a straight bitch. Been sitting in the same damn spot for days. You pitiful, man.” Killah’s voice made my jaw tense.

“Oh what, you're ignoring me? Ma Dukes called me, said you were in here about to waste away.”

I shook my head. “Gon’ ahead, man.”

“Nope. When we talked the other day, I knew you was fucked up, but to come in here, break up with your girl, then sit here like she left you is wild as fuck, man.”

I didn’t respond. I tightened my eyes, glaring at the TV.

“Here, you don’t wanna talk, but you at least gotta eat.” He set a white paper bag down on the coffee table in front of me. “And you’re gonna listen to me bitch about your decisions, ’cause now I feel fucked up about the fact that I’m about to go fuck on the islands while you sit here like this.”

I blinked, allowing my eyes to stay closed for too long, thinking about when I told Syn I’d take her on vacation, way before all this took place.

Killah continued into the kitchen, then I heard paper rattling before he returned and placed a fork in my lap and continued to the other end of the sectional. Out of my peripheral vision I watched him take a seat and glance over at me.

“Yo, why don’t you just call her, man?”

“And what is that gonna solve?” I turned my head in his direction, glaring. “I still gotta kill her pops.”

Killah shrugged. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m not seeing what the fuck that has to do with you and her.”

“Everything. That’s her fucking daddy, Killah.”

“And you’re the nigga she loves. Ain’t you the same one who said she doesn’t fuck with him?”

“But that’s her blood.”

Killah shook his head and began to dig into his food. “You and I know firsthand how blood doesn't mean shit, especially in this game of life. Yo’ problem ain’t the fact that he’s her blood, but instead the fact that you scared she wouldn’t choose you over him. Own that shit and stop sitting up here acting bitchmade.”

“Fuck you.”

He shrugged. “I said what I said, now eat your fucking food so I can tell Ma you ate and we had a conversation before I left.”

I flipped him off and damn sure didn’t reach for the food he brought, no matter how good it smelled. I wasn’t hungry, and truth be told, I wasn’t too interested in anything right now. I couldn’t explain it, but everything hurt. Compared to getting shot, this was worse. There was no skin-deep wound or open, oozing hole. This was a body-aching throb, like the chills hitting me over and over. I remembered telling her she couldn’t quit me because I was like the most potent drug in the streets, the type that made you feel like going cold turkey would kill you. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and damn sure couldn’t think. Even the faintest of scent of her made my chest tightened. Fuck feeling like a bitch, I felt like I was going through the very withdrawals fiends and addicts went through when they tried to go cold turkey.

“But that’s her father, Killah,” I said out of nowhere.

He paused, looking away from his phone to me. “The problem is you’re too caught up on titles. You don’t fuck with him and neither does she. Way I see it is you’re handling somebody neither one of y’all fuck with. So again I ask, what the fuck does that have to do with you and her being together?”

The way he shrugged like it was nothing at the end of his statement made me let out an involuntary chuckle. “There really is something wrong with you.”

“Nah. I just logic things a little differently than most. But either way, don’t be on no stupid shit while I’m gone. We’ll deal with it when the dust settles.”