Page 12 of Falling For Alaska

“Don’t get me wrong, but your story about coming here as a test…how come I don’t buy it?” Silence stretches, taking up space between us. “Officers don’t get sent here for no reason unless they’ve screwed something up. I get why you didn’t say the truth in front of my parents, but if we’re gonna be partners, I need to know who I’m dealing with.”

“Fair enough.” I lean forward, elbows resting on my knees.

“So, what did you do?”

I exhale, taking my time. How do I explain this without sounding like a failure? Despite trying to focus, light-brown hair dances in the back of my mind, her name, her image clouding my thoughts. If she were here... Damn. I wish I could just hold her hand right now.

“My…my stutter.” I drop it like a stone. “That’s why.”

He frowns, turning sharply to me. “Your stutter? What the hell does that have to do with anything?”

“Captain Raines thinks that—” I stop. “Everything was f-fine until I did a-a presentation in front of the mayor and I stum—” I pause. “I...I—” Damn it. The words won’t come. Jared waits, and a whole minute passes as I regulate my breath. “The mayor said I was an embarrassment to the force.”

“Shit.”

“He ordered my C-c-captain to send me somewhere else for a year to g-get…get rid of it. Then I can come back and get promoted to s-sergeant. I was supposed to get it this year, but...yeah.” Jared looks away. I brace for his disappointment, for him to decide I’m not worth keeping as a teammate.

“Are they stupid?” he finally says, voice rising. His hand morphing into a fist above his knee. “Stutter or not, when you’re a good cop, you’re a good cop. Damn it.” He scoffs. “What are they expecting? That coming out here will magically fix it? They’re cuckoo. Total idiots. I had a buddy in high school, same issue. Never went away. He still became a contractor, a damn good one.” He sighs, hard. “Shit, Jack, I thought Captains were supposed to have a brain.”

“I...”

“I’m your partner now. I won’t drop you over some shitty...” He stops himself, turning away. I grin inside. I’ve had partners pretend to be okay with it, but never one who actually defended me. Not that I need defending. That’s why I hit the gym hard, bulked up. ‘Cause no one bullies the big guy.

“Thanks, Jared, but-” I take a deep breath, “I really need this promotion. I’ve worked so hard for it.” And I’ve always believed it’s what my father would’ve wanted, for me to become not just a good cop, but a great one. To make him proud.

“Why?”

Because that’s what my father would have wanted.

“Just...’cause it’s important to me. That’s all.”

“Kay, kay...”, cracking his knuckles, “You tried doctors and all?”

“Yeah. Years of,” I pause, “of speech therapy. But I honestly think it’ll always be there. There’s no magical f-f-fix.”

“Then why do they think it’ll disappear in a year? Why didn’t you tell them it won’t?”

“Because maybe it c-could. I don’t know. I didn’t want to lose my job, so I agreed.”

“You want it that bad?” Not really. I’m actually happy where I am. But...if my dad were alive, I’d want him to see me up there. A Captain, someday. I don’t answer, because I’m not sure how it would sound out loud, if it would feel like the truth or a betrayal of myself.

“So, one year.” He lets it hang.

“Yep.”

“And then you’re gone.”

“Yeah.”

Silence closes in around us.

“Thanks for telling me.” Jared’s solid. I think we could become friends. Cool under pressure. Not judgmental. He starts to stand, and a question hammers in the back of my mind.

Let it go.

You don’t know her.

You won’t stay in Lakeside.