Page 109 of Under the Influence

She pushes a bowl to me across the counter, "I know we've talked about this before, but I just want to make sure you know how I feel about it."

Mom isn't afraid to talk to me. I like the fact that she doesn't treat me like a child. She understands that while I might not be eighteen yet, I'm old enough to make some decisions on my own and learn from my mistakes. Our relationship is stronger because we can talk to each other about anything. "I know," I sigh. "You don't think I'm old enough, you're too young to be a grandma, blah blah blah..."

She stares at me, a warning glare that kind of terrifies me.

"Mom, I promise you. I was safe."

She squeezes my arm, right above my elbow. "It's not just about having babies, Madden. I want you to be safe with your heart too."

I lean back in my chair, suddenly feeling like a balloon that's been deflated. She's right. I need to get my feelings under control and fast. I want to take care of Avery, to protect her, but I need to protect myself too.

Hours pass and after I finish the dishes for Mom, I just stare at the ceiling in my room. The glow-in-the-dark stars and planets remind me of Lainey because she insisted we put them up. She said—and I quote—"Our friendship was written in the stars, Mad. No matter what galaxy we're in, we will always be best friends."

I smile, thinking about how I argued with her about buying them, and now I'd be so upset if they weren't here. I make a mental note to text her and let her know I spoke with Nash. Honestly, I'm surprised she isn't here.

Rolling over in my bed, I flip the lamp on and rummage through my nightstand, pulling out the last set of letters between Avery and myself. Partially regretting how open I was and admiring her words, again.

Avery,

I'm not good at this.

My handwriting is terrible.

I miss you too.

I can't help but feel guilty about what happened before you left.

Guilty that I wanted it, even when you were upset.

Guilt but not regret.

I wish you were here.

Madden

Madden,

One more week, and I get to hug you.

My meds are straightened out, and so are my thoughts.

The night that I left, I was so mad.

Mad at myself.

Mad at my dad for making me go.

Your words are permanently engraved in my mind.

Just be yourself, Avery.

I don't know who that is anymore, but I think I'll find her with you.

Avery

My phone chimes across the room, and after a minute, the line begins to ring. The guitar riff from Deep Purple’s Smoke On The Water fills the silence. It never gets old. Lainey's name and face fill the screen.

"You alright?" I ask.