Page 115 of Under the Influence

“Working?” he laughs. “My how the mighty have fallen.”

I smirk, “More like jumped headfirst into a body of ice water.”

He smiles, “Typical for you. You always seem to find the biggest cliff around to dive off of.”

“Yeah, speaking of cliffs… Maybe I should find one instead of going to school. It’s going to be nothing but damage control all day.”

Carson pulls a pair of jeans on as I start the shower, “Yeah… Good luck with that.”

Thanks a lot, jackass I think to myself.

He’s still pissed at me over the warehouse. Even though I did want to mess with Drayton, I’ll admit that I got a little carried away. I fucked up, you would think that he’d be used to it by now.

I let the hot water coat my hair, leaving the length wet and plastered to my forehead. My body aches beneath the beads of water as I lean into the tile, avoiding my cast. There are a million other things I’d rather do today than go put on a fake smile and try to remember who I was before, but I can’t risk my spot at Legacy. Once you’ve been on top and seen the view, there’s no going back, even if you had to step on a few people to get there.

Okay, maybe more than a few.

I realize it’s all fake. I know that the kids and teachers at Legacy don’t actually like me. I’m not that naive.

Respected at one point? Probably.

Feared? Most definitely.

But I wasn’t liked, that was Carson.

Actually, there are probably hundreds of people who wouldn’t mind if they never had to see me again. Corinne included, and maybe that hurts the most. I want to take everything bad I’ve ever done in my life back so that she doesn’t see me as a monster. It is pretty obvious that things aren’t headed in that direction after the other night.

I think about how I completely freaked out the night she slept at my house. Sleeping next to her, I felt things. Things I didn’t even know were possible to feel. However, what scared me the most was that she saw right through me. She didn’t even hesitate to see me for how I was before all of the good things in my life rotted away.

It is too late for redemption now, and soon she’ll know that. It still hurts to know she can never fully love me because to do that, she would have to come to terms with everything I’ve done.

I don’t even know where to start with her, really.

I turn the water off and use my towel to dry my hair. Carson is downstairs with his mom, and I can hear them laughing all the way up the steps. Must be nice, I scoff. I glance down at the bag I packed last night and walk to Carson’s closet instead. We’re about the same size, so I sift through the ridiculous amount of clothes and pull something down.

Typically using the way I look to my advantage isn’t my first thought, but I will need all the help I can get today. So if that means looking like I stepped off a Louis Vuitton photo shoot, then whatever. It’s not like Carson would miss anything anyway because his mom owns a major fashion label.

I grab my shit and walk down the stairs, causing both of them to turn and acknowledge me.

“Hey, want some food?” Lexie asks, pushing a plate filled with breakfast pastries across the island.

“No, I think I’m gonna hurry up and get to school.”

She looks at Carson with a massive grin on her face. “Did I just hear him correctly?”

Carson grabs a cinnamon roll off the plate and laughs, shaking his head. Lexie raises her brow, but Carson follows me out the door.

“I’ll meet you there?” he asks, pulling the door open on his truck.

“Yeah.”

I shut the door to my Jeep, glancing at the clock on the dash. It’s way earlier than I usually leave, but I have a plan, and now I just have to see it through.

I pull out of Carson’s driveway and into the one next door, leaving the Jeep running to warm up. When I open my door, Carson sits at the curb with his window rolled down.

“Head first?” he laughs.

“The biggest cliff,” I agree.