Page 69 of Under the Influence

“Yeah. That’s why I was so worried, and then when he kidnapped you and tried to drown you out in the storm…” she trails off.

“So, that’s what Carson meant when he said Nash was acting weird.”

“Weird? No, that boy is acting insane. Even more reckless than usual, and why on earth does he feel the need to drag you into it? Why does he hate you so much?”

Cori’s face turns pale, “I need to tell you something. Just promise me you won’t overreact.”

Am I that dramatic? I huff out a laugh. I guess I am.

“Spill it. Anything for any of this to make sense would be great.”

“I kissed him. Summer before high school, in Carson’s batting cage.”

I nearly choke, “You?”

“It wasn’t just a kiss, though, and it wasn’t to get to Jovie. I don’t know what it was, but it changed me. I thought about him, Lainey. For weeks, months even.”

“She saw you,” I whisper. “She saw you and lost her damn mind. She fucked up mine and Nash’s entire families, Cori!”

“I…I didn’t know.” She stutters, “You have to believe me, Lainey. I didn’t know about any of that.”

I groan, “Neither did I. Not until the Nash we all thought we knew and loved went psycho. He’s not been the same since then. Something died inside of him.”

She stills, “I had no idea. I was blindsided by him that day. Back home, I couldn’t be anyone other than Corinne Clark, the dance prodigy, and when I was alone with Nash in that batting cage, I was someone else. Someone I liked better. He hates me, Lainey. That’s all it is. I can see it every time he looks at me.”

“So you think it’s about revenge?” I ask.

It’s like the culmination of it punched her in the stomach. I try for just a split second to place my hatred for him aside, knowing that she’s upset.

“He wasn’t always bad,” I add.

“I can see it,” she pleads. “I see it little by little when I have to force the layers back.”

“He wants to destroy you, Corinne. Don’t be fooled by his charm that you see every few days. It’s not gonna outweigh his need to make you suffer in the end.”

“He wants to ruin me, and I want nothing more than to fix everything that’s broken inside of him. I think all the rage is just a mask to hide that he’s hurt.”

“What happened,” I exhale. “It wasn’t your fault. Jovie did this.”

“Maybe not, but I want to save him, anyway.”

“You’re asking for trouble,” I huff. “He’s going to drag you kicking and screaming to the roof of LHS and drop you straight on your ass.”

“Lucky for me, I left home dealing with the same type of thing. I’m already picking the broken pieces of myself up from rock bottom. You can’t break someone when there’s nothing left. Maybe the only people who can heal us are the ones who broke us to begin with.”

I feel that.

As much as I hated Nash for how he’s treated me and how much hell he’s put me through these past couple of years, I know his pain, and I feel it the same as him. The same hurt.

After talking about Nash, my entire evening shifts into something else, something I can’t quite place my finger on. I feel this urge to reach out to everyone I need in my life. I start with Madden. I type up a quick text, letting him know we need to talk. I have to get past whatever is driving a wedge between us because I feel a little less like myself without him.

Cori and I have become close over the past couple of weeks, and it feels nice to have a girl to confide in when all I’ve ever known is Madden. It is refreshing to share how I feel with someone who understands my hormones. I told her how Drayton makes me feel, how he almost reminds me of Madden. How similar they are but in different ways, if that makes sense. Like they have the same type of heart. It is almost like getting to date my best friend without the mess of actually dating my best friend.

Cori is also a little more experienced than me, so I talk to her about how I’m not sure if I am ready to take that next big step. If I ever will be ready. Not that I think Drayton will try to pressure me into anything, but I don’t know if I will be ready when the time comes. How would I even know?

It surprises me when she says she wished she would’ve waited. How sex seems so unimportant when everyone you know is doing it, but it’s much more than that in reality. Did she wish she would’ve waited for Nash? Could he even mean that much to her? Or is it Carson? I haven’t missed the looks those two are throwing at each other. That can get really messy, really quick. Especially if she has feelings for both of them. Talk about destroying the precious Sharks.

I feel brand new after the girl-talk and getting all of my feelings out about Drayton and Madden, and I really needed it. Cori’s phone vibrates in her hand right as she picks it up, “Nash said he’s going to go home and get ready before picking me up. So we have a few minutes.”