Page 78 of Under the Influence

“Get the fuck out.”

She steps closer, “Are you kidding me right now?”

“Does it look like I’m joking?” I snap. “Get out. Now.”

She grabs my hand, and I jerk it away, “Don’t touch me.”

“Nash,” she starts, but I back away. “What about last night?”

“What about it?” I blow her off, stepping back into my room, but she’s close behind me.

She wraps a fist full of my t-shirt in her hand, “Don’t do that! Don’t act like last night didn’t happen!”

I sneer, pushing her hand off of me, “Nothing happened!”

She loses it, busting through the glass doors to my balcony, pushing all the dishes and candles off of the table I set. “You’re right! It was nothing! We are nothing!”

I stand unfazed as she continues her fit of rage, one that she’s been holding back since the day she got here.

“Fuck you, Nash! I should’ve let you get arrested last night or drown in your own vomit, whichever came first!”

She slips my shirt off, pulling the clothes she had on last night back on, and my eyes are unable to tear away from her. She pulls her shoes on and a hoodie from her bag before turning to me, “I lied for you! I’m already on a short leash with my family, and when I didn’t come home last night, that could’ve been bad enough, but stupid me thought you were worth it.”

I smirk, “Well, surprise.”

She pushes me, “Stop acting like this! You can ignore it all you want, but you feel it too. You can’t push me away forever.”

“I promise you that I can, Princess.”

She turns her eyes to mine, the perfect mixture of blue and yellow. The gold flakes around the center nearly steal my breath. She’s tearing every layer of protection down that I’ve put up around my heart when she left the first time two years ago, and my world fell to pieces.

“Please let me in,” she begs. “Let someone in!”

I tilt my forehead into hers, my hair the only thing separating our skin, “You won’t like what’s inside.”

“Let me make that choice,” she whispers, and I can’t do anything at this point but agree. She moves her cold hand around the back of my neck and draws my lips to hers. So gentle that our lips barely touch, but the softness of hers set my soul on fire.

“Just trust me,” she whispers into my mouth. “I’ve got you.”

No one has ever said that to me before and been so adamant about it. I can feel that she means it, but I’m not sure what it is that it makes me feel…

Loved?

Protected?

Scared?

It makes me feel everything, and it is fucking scary. The second I trust her, it means opening myself up to becoming the perfect victim. I’ll become unaware of things that matter, and my focus on her will distract me, making it one hundred times easier for her to destroy me, and if anyone was going to do the destroying, it would be me.

I’ve been addicted to the control I’ve had over her for years, and if I soften up, she’ll be the one holding all the power. That is unacceptable.

That makes me weak.

I jerk my eyes up at her, “I don’t need you.”

Her hand falls from my arm, her entire body withdrawing from mine. It’s like the longer she waits to speak, the more aware of my surroundings I become.

She’s in my room.