Page 87 of Discovering Her Earl

“See? I’m fine.”

He nodded unconvincingly.

“You say it. Say I’m fine,” she ordered.

He winced and took a breath before nodding.

“Yes. You’re fine. You must be for you are bossing me around as you always do.”

She laughed as he laced his fingers through hers and raised her hand to place a kiss to the inside of her wrist.

“Better?” she asked.

“How horrible that you feel the need to tend to me when you are the one that was injured. How difficult I am, I’m so sorry, Lainey.”

“You don’t need to apologize for who you are, Julian. Not to me. Not ever.”

“I did carry you all the way from the site to your tent in a rather heroic way,” he said with that devilish smile.

She knew how he reverted to humor when he was uncomfortable and didn’t know how to handle certain situations. She smiled.

“You are quite the knight in shining armor. I am so very lucky to have allowed you to come on this expedition so you were here to save me.”

“Perhaps you would like to reward me with a kiss, my lady?”

They both glanced over to her aunt and uncle before leaning closer and kissing. He pulled away at the sound of shifting fabric. But Rose and Henry were still sleeping.

“You should know that your aunt and uncle saw me during one of my episodes after you fell.”

His frown looked out of place on his always smiling lips. But of course, he was a human man. He couldn’t be happy all the time. Regardless of what he showed the world.

It made her feel closer to him, that he would show her this other side. The real Julian.

“Don’t fear. They wouldn’t judge you for being upset.”

“Oh, I don’t worry that they are judging me. I think they are judging your sanity for agreeing to bring me on this trip.”

It was said as a jest, but she heard the truth and worry behind his words.

“There is nothing wrong with you, Julian,” she said with genuine rightness.

He glanced over at her with a different kind of worry.

“No, Lainey. Don’t make me say it. I won’t.”

“Say there is nothing wrong with you.”

“I just said I won’t. I can’t. It’s not true.”

“It is true.”

“The way breath leaves my body but I can’t seem to remember how to bring it back in? My heart pounding so fiercely I fear it might break free of my chest and flop about on the ground? The sweat that beads no matter how cold I feel on the inside? No. That is not normal. Saying so would be a lie.”

“Very well. Perhaps, it’s not normal. But you are not the only person that suffers such things. I feel similar whenever I hear horse’s hooves and carriage wheels echo on the wooden planks of a bridge. And it makes no sense because I could swear I was asleep when the accident occurred. I only woke when we hit the water. So why would that sound evoke such a reaction?”

He shook his head, silently admitting he didn’t have an answer.

“What we can do is accept it. Can you say you accept it instead?”