Page 24 of His Secret Highland Bride

It could only mean he had stayed away not because of her injuries but because he didn’t want her. She imagined he must still have a loyalty to his first wife and how lying with Lindsay must seem like a betrayal of his vows with Maria. But she couldn’t be sure that was how he felt.

Tonight, Lindsay was ready to try again. And she started her plan at dinner by pouring them each a second glass of wine with their meal. She was careful to stand close as she poured and gathered the dishes. She’d seen the way the maids in the Wallace hall had flirted with her father’s retainers. She did her best to mimic their ways of flirtation, even going so far as to drop something to the floor so she could bend over to pick it up, giving him a clear look at her breasts.

When they took their seats by the fire, he picked up the book to start up the story he’d been reading, but instead she asked him a question. “Have you lain with anyone since your wife?”

He nearly choked, such was his surprise, and she cursed herself for her impatience. She’d promised herself she would not speak of his first wife and would hold on the conversation until he spoke instead, but she had grown curious. She waited until he collected himself.

“Nay.”

“Did you lie with many women before her?”

He cleared his throat and took a large sip of his wine before answering. “I wouldn’t say many.”

“How many would you say?”

“More than a few, but not many.”

“I’ll not be angry to know the answer.”

“If ye don’t plan to be angry, why do you ask?”

“I just wonder of your experience with woman is all.”

His brows pulled together. “Do you question my abilities?”

She almost laughed at his disgruntled response, but she held it in. She shrugged. “Nay, I have nothing to go on. ’Tis why I asked the question.”

“Six,” he said shortly and opened the book again. This time he went so far as to clear his throat and start reading the next passage, but she interrupted.

“Were you in love with any of them before Maria?”

“Why are you asking such things? I don’t wish to speak of it. It is irrelevant now.”

With another shrug, she answered. “It is relevant to me, your wife. We’ve asked each other all manner of things as we’ve been getting to know each other. This is just another thing I wish to know about you. If it is too private, you’ve only to say so, and I’ll let it lie for now. But I do wonder if…she is the reason you don’t want me.”

He let out a breath and snapped the book closed, setting it on the stand next to his chair. He leaned over, and for a moment she thought he might simply get up and leave, but after another minute or two he sat back and looked at her.

“I imagine it is a natural thing to wonder about. Yes, I loved my wife. Yes, I miss her. Yes, I feel as if being with you in that way would be a betrayal of Maria, which is why I’ve avoided you. And, yes, I know it might seem silly for me to still feel such things for a woman who is not here when a very beautiful and alive woman is within reach, but I can’t help it.” He ran a hand over his chin. The stubble there rasped against his palm, and once again she wondered what it would feel like against her sensitive skin. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to move on. Some days it feels impossible, and some days it feels within my grasp. I would hope knowing it’s nothing you’ve done that has kept me from you would help, but it doesn’t matter, does it? I’m hurting you, I can see it, but I can’t make myself…”

“I wouldn’t want you to do something you don’t want to do.”

“I do want it, Lindsay. I just can’t allow it. It feels wrong. You, me, this—it wasn’t supposed to happen. I am happy to offer what I can, but that part, I simply cannot.” He stood to pace around before shaking his head.

She could see how deeply tortured he was over this and didn’t want to push him further. Reaching out, she took his hand in hers and smiled up at him. “This is not something we need to decide tonight. We have time to become comfortable with each other. For you to become comfortable with being with me.” She bit her lip a moment before going on. “I want you to know you can speak about her with me.”

“I don’t wish to speak of her.” He ran his hand over his face. “Now, perhaps we should ready for bed. I plan to work with Doran in the morning.”

“Very well,” she said, not yet ready to give up but knowing she couldn’t force him to open up to her. She hummed a tune as she changed for bed. But instead of going straight from the protection of the screen to the bed, she went to the fire to check on the clothing she’d hung there to dry earlier.

She knew her shift was thin and felt her nipples draw tight when she turned away from the warmth to the cooler room. A glance in his direction proved he’d noticed as well, as he stared at her chest. Feeling encouraged by his reaction, she leaned over again to blow out the candle next to the bed. This time she knew he could see everything, for she had no stays on.

He gasped as she crawled across the bed to blow out the other candle, leaving them in darkness that felt almost heaving with the tension running between them. She was smiling as she listened to him drop his belt and plaid, just as he had every night they’d spent together. But tonight, when he settled on the furs, he let out a most unsettled sigh.

“Good night,” he said, putting an end to her efforts for the evening. But she was not defeated. They would have years to work things out between them.

Her smile faded as a thread of doubt began to tug loose.

If her father forced her to abandon Shane and marry the laird as promised, they may not have so much time after all.