Page 6 of His Secret Highland Bride

He feared he might never be ready. It was a waste of time to wish for a different life when his path was set out for him. Right down to the woman he would be forced to marry.

When they finished their meal, she helped him clean up, and they went outside again. She bit her lip, and he knew she had a question. “What is it?” he asked, finding he enjoyed talking with her despite his desire to be alone in his grief.

“Ye said you were used to cooking for two.” Curiosity shone in her dark eyes.

“Aye.” He nodded and looked away. She wanted to know if he was wed. And he wanted to tell her, but he feared she would ask him more questions he wouldn’t be able to answer, so he answered with part of the truth. “My stepbrother, Ronan, was with me in France.”

Shane must have frowned, for she placed her hand gently on his and said, “I’m sorry.”

“Nay, he’s not dead,” he corrected. “Though for a time there, after he was injured, I worried he would die. He had a bad fever. He’s well enough now, though his leg pains him at times.”

“You looked sad when you thought of him.”

Except Shane hadn’t been thinking of Ronan. He nodded. “Aye. I do feel responsible for what happened to him. He went to fight in France because I went. I don’t know that he would have made the choice if I hadn’t pushed him into it.” He paused for a moment before sharing a small part of his greater pain. “I…I did lose someone else, though. Someone dear to me. It was my fault.” He stopped speaking when his throat grew tight with the burn of tears. His jaw clenched as he tried to keep control over his pain.

It happened any time he tried to talk about Maria. Would there ever come a time he would be able to speak of her without his guts twisting?

“You carry a lot of responsibility on your shoulders, Shane MacPherson.”

He nodded. She had no idea how much responsibility he felt or how much more was about to land on his shoulders. He could only hope he wouldn’t be crushed under the weight of it.

Chapter Three

Lindsay cleared her throat when she caught herself staring at the man’s full lips. Even pulled down into a frown as they were, she found them fascinating. She wondered if the dark-brown whiskers covering his chin and upper lip would be soft or tickle if she were to kiss him.

Except she wouldn’t kiss him.

She blinked and looked away to the trees. He must have noticed, for he nodded toward the forest.

“I imagine ye wish to go off into the woods for some quiet?” Shane asked, those lips turning up again. But she saw the effort it took to keep the smile there. This man was dealing with a great amount of pain. She decided not to pry.

Lindsay shrugged. The truth was she didn’t need the embrace of the forest around her, not when she was with him. He brought a different kind of peace than what she felt sitting on the rock and looking out over the river. The warmth she felt came not from the stone that had been touched by the sun all day but from his closeness.

“I did mean to escape, for Wee Robbie walked all over the rugs with muddy feet. Those rugs are so thin they’d never stand a scrubbing. But while I was trying, Uncle Randall came in wanting his noon meal, while James—the middle boy—picked a fight with Doran and began wailing when it didn’t go the way he’d wanted.”

She shook her head and felt her cheeks go hot. “Here I am, complaining about a few stressful moments to someone who has been fighting in a war for five years. Forgive me and forget everything I just said.” She waved a hand dismissively.

She’d been so grateful to have someone to talk to, she’d forgotten herself. She’d felt so alone this past month, even as she never seemed to have any time on her own. She didn’t know how to explain how she could be lonely while also overwhelmed by the people around her. But that was what she’d felt.

However, it was clear from looking at him that this man was carrying around a great deal of pain and guilt. She was ashamed of her silly complaints.

He shook his head. “One person’s plight doesn’t make another’s less.”

“No, but it should put it in perspective.”

“To tell the truth, after meeting your cousin yesterday, I might pick fighting a battle with the French over dealing with the likes of him. I think ye might have the worst of it.”

It was kind of him to say it to make her feel better. But she couldn’t imagine the fear he must have felt day after day for so long. Or perhaps it was worse. Perhaps numbness had taken over the fear and he no longer realized the danger.

“I doubt even Doran is worse than a French brigade, but thank ye for understanding.”

“If you wish to sit in the woods for a spell, I’ll sit with you and make sure you’re safe.”

She wondered why he winced on the last word. Safe. She didn’t think he regretted making the offer, but maybe he didn’t think he was capable. Did he think her to be too much trouble for the likes of a formidable Highlander? Despite the issue, she simply shook her head. “Nay. I have no need for silence now that I’ve spent time here with you. You have a calming way about you.”

“I would gladly accept your praise, but I feel it’s misplaced. Anyone would be better than those ruffians you live with.”

She laughed as his cheeks turned pink. She guessed Shane wasn’t accustomed to accepting praise. How different he was than the warriors at home who constantly expected to be admired for their strength.