Page 198 of At First Catch

The honesty lands directly in my chest, leaving me with an understanding of something important. Nolan’s greatest fear right now isn’t the marina failing. It’s failing the people he loves.

The pain of this realization is something I doubt he fully comprehends yet.

I step closer until almost no space remains between us.

“You’re allowed to struggle,” I whisper.

His jaw tightens.

Nolan glances toward the marina windows briefly before admitting, “I don’t know how to balance all of this.”

The vulnerability in the confession cracks something open inside me.

“Neither do I,” I admit.

His eyes return to mine with the look he gets every time I meet his honesty with my own instead of reassurance.

Like wanting to be a part of him still surprises him.

“I think,” I continue, “we’re both trying so hard not to lose each other that we accidentally started making each other lonelier.”

Silence settles heavily around us afterward. The kind of honesty that leaves everything stripped bare.

Nolan’s hands slide along my waist.

“You felt lonely?”

It almost breaks my heart to see how visibly pained he is by the realization.

I nod once.

“Sometimes.”

Emotion flashes openly across his face.

Guilt crashes through me too because I know he never intended that. That’s the problem. Neither of us meant for fear to start shaping the relationship this way.

“Christ.”

The roughness in his voice twists painfully through my chest.

I cup his face carefully.

“Hey.”

His eyes open again. They’re filled with fear, love, exhaustion, and overwhelming vulnerability. All tangled together.

“You know what scares me?” he asks.

I shake my head once.

“That I’m finally learning how to let somebody love me…” His voice lowers further. “And I still might not know how to do this right.”

The confession physically hurts to hear. Underneath all Nolan’s stress and overworking and emotional spiraling is the real wound. Not believing he knows how to keep good things once he has them.

I rise onto my toes and kiss him. Nolan exhales shakily against my mouth. And then the kiss deepens almost instinctively.

Not frantic, but full of need.