Page 13 of Sight Unseen

Jon cried out in horror behind me. “Oh shit, sorry. I should have moved that. I forgot.”

His hands pulled me to my feet, and I snapped at him. “What did I fall over? I thought you said you’d cleared this room of stuff I could trip on?”

One day home and I’ve already injured myself. And I can’t even fucking see if I’m bleeding.

I tried to reach down and touch my throbbing shin but Jon’s hands stopped me.

“I did, but I moved the table to pick up some fluff on the carpet and I forgot to move it back against the wall. God, I’m sorry, Nate. Let me see if you hurt yourself.”

I closed my eyes in mortification as Jon’s hands ran down my leg. My hands clenched tightly at my sides as I waited.

Finally, Jon spoke with relief. “No, I think you’ll have a bruise. No blood. Why don’t you sit down and I’ll move the damn thing back where it should be.” He hugged me, his chin pressed into my shoulder.

Once again he guided me to the sofa, and I sat, wincing. Jon’s voice disappeared, the muttering dimming, and after a minute, he came back and sat beside me. He smelled good, really good. All male. An alluring aftershave, and the undercurrent of something vanilla. I needed physical contact, and not the kind that involved needles, therapy and sponge baths. I needed my man. I needed Jon.

He was a lifeline to my old world and I desperately needed to pretend things could be normal again.

Even if things haven’t been great between us, he’s all I’ve got.

I had to admit it wasn’t the most charitable of thoughts. I reached out and grabbed what I thought was his arm, and pulled him closer. Again, he stiffened but relented and lay against me. His hair tickled my chin and I brushed it away.

“I can’t even see where you are to kiss you,” I muttered. “It’s like Pin the Tail on the Donkey and Blind Man’s Bluff going on all at once.”

There was a smile now in Jon’s voice when he answered. “Then I guess this will be like a birthday party. I’ll try to make it a little easier. Here.”

He reached up, warm hands pulling my head down, and his lips pressed against mine softly. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, more one of reassurance. I wanted more so I delved deeper, pushing my tongue into his mouth and crushing his lips against mine. For the first time in weeks, my cock filled out and I wanted to shout in celebration. At last there was an element of normalcy.

Jon gave over, opening his mouth and dueling with my tongue, but I sensed hesitation. His heart wasn’t in this and he wasn’t the same man as before.

Or perhaps I wasn’t.

I pulled away and stared in his direction, hoping I wasn’t totally off course. “What’s wrong? You seem different.”

I sensed his shrug. “Nothing’s wrong, apart from the obvious. I’m tired, I guess. I don’t feel like sex right now.”

“I don’t care if we fuck or not,” I said harshly. “I want my boyfriend to hold me. Is that too much to ask?” An uneasy thought drifted upward. “Or do I disgust you that much now I can’t see?”

Jon’s hands stilled. “No. Don’t be so stupid. You don’t disgust me. It’s all so new, that’s all. I need time to get used to this.”

I heaved a shuddering breath. “So do I.”

We shifted apart, sitting in silence. Jon’s cell pinged across the room. He’d gotten a message. I didn’t need to guess who it was from.

To his credit, he didn’t stand to get his phone, but he remained still beside me. The atmosphere had thickened and whatever tiny bit of intimacy we had shared a minute ago had vanished.

I frowned. “By the way, what happened to my phone? I was at least expecting Cody to call me, see how I was. He didn’t even come to the hospital today. Have you spoken to him lately?”

Jon took a quick breath. “I think it’s in my satchel. I put it in there when we left the hospital. The battery had died anyway.”

He stood up and I had a sudden vision in my mind of his face showing relief at getting away from me. I don’t know why I thought that, but I didn’t like the feeling.

There was the sound of Jon rummaging in something, probably his treasured Montblanc man bag. “Here it is. It’ll need to charge though before you can use it. I’ll put it in the charger in the bedroom.”

“Fine,” I said. “My iPhone isn’t going to be much use to me now apart from taking calls and listening to messages. We’re going to have to turn on the accessibility options, something called Voiceover. It reads out texts and stuff. Marty also told me I can get a Braille keyboard for it. I guess I first need to learn Braille though.” I stood. “I’m going to the bedroom, have a nap. My head’s full of crap and I want it to go away for a bit. Give you time to think too.”

Jon was beside me, stroking my arm. “It will be okay, Nate. We both need some time. Go lie down, get some rest. I’ll putter around, make doubly sure everything is blind-proofed.”

I winced at that phrase, even though it was a part of my life now. “Yeah. All right.” I turned and made my way to the bedroom.