Page 43 of Sight Unseen

Dev and I had gotten together lately more than usual—a couple of times for blowjobs, and the rest to simply to hang out, see a movie, go to dinner. I wasn’t sure why, but I had the guilty feeling it was to take Nate off my mind.

So what was I doing agonizing over Nate’s date? Dev and I were simply guys hooking up to get each other off. But Nate? In the pictures I’d seen of him and Blu sucking face and being handsy on the dance floor, it looked to be the start of something more.

“Nothing,” I said moodily.

Dev sprawled down on the sand, tanned legs stretched out, hands behind his head as he regarded the sea thoughtfully. “So, I saw the pictures on Facebook. Are you okay?”

I glanced over; he continued staring out at the waves, but a muscle in his jaw twitched.

“What pictures?” I knew which ones he was talking about.

He snorted. “The ones of Nate and his new boyfriend.”

“He’s not Nate’s damned boyfriend. Yet.”

“Oh yeah. My boy has it bad.” Dev sat up and drew his knees up, his eyes searching mine. “Cody, you know I love being with you. But why the hell aren’t you going after Nate with everything you’ve got? What’s holding you back?”

“Nate isn’t into me that way. I told you. It’s a one-way street.” I picked up a shell and toyed with it, then threw it angrily across the beach.

“I’m not so sure,” Dev said thoughtfully. “I’ve gotten this vibe from him that says something else.”

I laughed harshly. “Yeah, you think that. I’ve got the old scars to prove he only wants to be friends.”

Dev was the only person who knew about what had gone down between me and Nate during those few sultry nights in the Keys.

Dev’s gaze narrowed, his bright blue eyes assessing me. “You sure about that? Because I’ve got twenty dollars says otherwise. I mean…”

I couldn’t take it anymore and my resentment pushed through.

“Dev, he was clear about it back in the day. We’d spent three days doing things to each other that blew my mind. It happened just that weekend and no one was more surprised about it than me. Then two days later he told me he didn’t feel anything romantic for me, the sex had been a mistake and we needed to cool it. There was no confusion about what he said, believe me. Not when you’re seventeen years old and crazy about a guy you hoped you might be with for the rest of your life. We didn’t even get a chance to take it further, see what might develop.”

Dev’s face crinkled. “Huh,” was all he said. He reached inside his board shorts and drew out a packet of gum, tilting the pack in my direction. I declined. I’d probably choke on it the way my throat had tightened remembering that conversation when the world as I knew it stopped turning.

Dev picked out a piece and chewed on it. “And then what? You both went off to college and forgot it ever happened?”

I lay back and shielded my eyes from the sun. “Basically. When his folks kicked him out and he came to stay with us, he was a bit withdrawn. I thought it was losing his family that made him that way. We spent the next few months tiptoeing around each other, pretending we hadn’t had raunchy sex in his folks’ boathouse in Florida. I tried to forget I’d ever thought I loved him, and we managed to stay good friends. He got over his reticence eventually and things went back to normal.” I sighed. “It was a tough situation, but it was either that or lose him altogether, and I didn’t want that.”

I closed my eyes and laid my hands on my chest as the sun warmed me. “Then we both went off to study, saw each other in between and when we finished, we both came back to L.A. Nate was seeing some other guy, I had a boyfriend…” I shrugged. “That was the way it was. The way it’s been ever since.”

“But you never got over him,” Dev remarked softly.

Silently, we lay together on the sand, basking like lizards.

“He’s hot though,” Dev finally muttered.

“Who, Nate?” Nate was hot, no doubt.

“No. The other guy. Blu.”

“Well, go down to the Empty Closet,” I retorted. “Perhaps I’ll get you an introduction and you two can be a thing,” I said acerbically. “Maybe you can steal him away from Nate, I’ll declare my undying love, which Nate will reciprocate, and we’ll all live happy ever after.”

Dev cackled and shoved a handful of sand down the front of my shirt. I returned the favor by pulling the drawstring out of his shorts and throwing it to one side. We play-wrestled for a minute and finally lay, panting and exhausted, on the beach, staring up into the sky.

“Jeez, I’m wiped and we didn’t even have sex,” I joked as Dev turned onto his side and regarded me warmly.

“You’re a great guy, Cody. He’s a fool not to see you as anything other than a friend. But maybe it’s time to let go. Find someone else.” He waggled his eyebrows. “Someone like me.”

I chuckled loudly. “You and me will never be more than we are, and you know that.” Dev knew I was right; there was no real spark there.