Page 71 of Sight Unseen

My hiccupping sobs finally stopped and I curled my fingers in his shirt and wished the world would stop. My man smelled like comfort and home, and I needed him so badly I could hardly breathe.

“What else happened all those years ago? Something else went on that you haven’t told me yet.” His tone was even, but underneath something lurked that sounded like fear.

I was exhausted. I didn’t care about keeping secrets anymore. I needed to tell him the whole truth. Even if it meant I lost him too, because, hey, that would be the cherry on top of this disaster.

I moved away from his comforting warmth, swung my feet up onto the sofa, shoving them onto his lap, and hunkered down into the familiar corner of the sofa. I pulled the worn cushion over my chest and hugged it like a child. There were loose strands in the cover and I picked at them, my fingers and heart aching in tandem.

“Those nights at the Keys meant everything to me,” I murmured. “You meant everything to me. I was worried we were going to different colleges and we’d be over three hundred miles apart, but I thought we could do it. Being with you that weekend was bliss. Sheer bliss.”

His hands stroked my ankle gently. “Tell me everything.”

“You know about my dad’s threats. What you don’t know is the stupid thing I did afterward that could have made everything worse.”

I removed my hand from his and wrung it like an old lady. “After a couple of days of wallowing for having to break up with you, I’d had gone on a bit of a bender, which made me monumentally stupid. I went to his office and confronted him about what he’d made me do.” I hugged the cushion closer. This was the part I’d never told Cody or anyone else.

“Go on. I’m listening.”

I nodded. “I hijacked his business meeting. He was busy with a load of investors he was hoping to get on board with some big project. In front of everyone, I’d told him he was a bastard, and what he’d wanted to do to your family was disgusting. I laid out all his threats right there for everyone to hear. He slapped me, told me I was lying and that I was nothing but a deviant and a pervert.”

I swiped at my swollen eyes as the tears fell again. “I lost it. I walked over and slapped him back, took out my dick and pissed in the plant pot. Everyone in the room stood up and left. He lost an important deal that day because of me.”

Cody’s hands tightened on my leg. “I knew there was more behind this story.”

I nodded. “I waited for months for the bomb to fall. For him to do what he said he would do after I’d humiliated him and cost him a shit-ton of money. I was sure he was going to ruin you. Every day I waited for the sky to fall in on us.” I took a shuddering breath. “I was so damn ashamed of what I’d done, what I could have started. I could have ruined you, your dad’s business, your whole family.”

Cody’s breathing was rapid and his fingers clutched my leg so tightly it was like a tourniquet. I reached down and unclenched them a little.

“Today I found out the only reason he didn’t go through with it was because one of the investors in the boardroom knew your dad. If my father had done anything to your dad or his business, she’d probably have guessed it was my father and that would have become public knowledge, no doubt. My dad had a reputation to uphold so he had to back down.” I took a few deep breaths. I was so fucking tired. “At the time, I didn’t know that, so I spent months waiting for him to circulate the rumors, or ruin your father’s business. Then we went to college and I thought we were safe, but I figured it was best I not get involved with you romantically in case my father was biding his time. There was no point in adding fuel to the flames.”

This story had been buried deep for so long that telling it was cathartic, but so draining. “When they moved abroad two years after the boardroom blow-up, it was the first time I relaxed a little. It seemed the threat and my dad were gone.

“When we finished college and came back here, it seemed better to stay friends. You had a boyfriend when you came back, and so did I. I pushed everything I felt deep inside and told myself it was truly over. That was the easiest way to cope.” I stroked Cody’s hand. “Eventually I believed it myself. Having you as a friend meant everything to me and that’s how we ended up. Until now.”

“Christ,” he said, his voice shuddery. “This is like a damn shitty soap opera.” His voice tensed. “Was this why when you came to live with us you were so off? I mean, we were still friends, but I thought the fact we’d had sex had really weirded you out or something.” He moved his hand away.

I nodded. “Yeah, I was waiting for something bad to happen. Living every day with the fear you and your family would be hurt. I felt guilty and was glad when we went to college—I didn’t have to face you and your family. I was so ashamed.” I raised my hands, palms out. “We were lucky it didn’t. No thanks to me.”

Cody put his hand back on my leg and squeezed tightly. “I don’t care about what you did, facing up to your dad. Part of me admires you for it, even though it was a stupid thing to do. You did it for all the right reasons and I love you for it. It could have gone so much worse if that woman you mentioned hadn’t known my family, but that’s all water under the bridge. The worst didn’t happen. If it had, at least we would have faced it together, and weathered the storm instead of you throwing yourself on a damn sword out of some kind of mistaken altruism.” He sighed heavily. “You asshole. Losing you was horrible.”

We were both quiet and he reached out and took my trembling hands in his warm one. “Anyway, it is what it is and no point in regretting the past now.” He kissed my cut fingers tenderly. “What was that piece you broke, the one you’re so upset about?”

My throat clenched at the reminder of my loss. “I called it Nate’s Folly. It was a bust of you, from memory. I was going to give it to you for Christmas.” I cleared my throat. “He got me to destroy you all over again, like the first time.”

Cody’s arms reached out and pulled me into a hug. “Oh God, I’m so sorry. I know how much heart and soul you put into your art. But you still have the real thing right here.” He took my hand and placed it on his chest. His warm heart beating rapidly. “That should count for something.”

I pulled away. “Do I still have you?” I felt unsure. “After all this gut spilling, and knowing I’ve lied to you all these years, you still want to move in, and be with me?”

He hugged me tighter. “Stupid question. Water under the bridge. We can’t go back and undo the past. And nothing could change what I feel for you. I love you madly, Nate. Always have, always will.”

His lips found mine and I sank into them with a sigh of relief and bone-deep need. Cody’s fingers ran through my hair and I moaned, his touch grounding me.

When we pulled apart, he brushed my cheek with tender fingers. “Come on, let’s get you up to the house. I want to double-check those cuts on your hands, and I think we both need a drink. You up for that?”

I nodded. “I could use a drink. And a shower.” I wrinkled my nose. “I’m a wreck. I must look terrible.”

He nudged his nose with mine. “But you’re my wreck. And you could never look terrible. A little straggly, maybe, and your eyes are red. And you look like you’ve been sliced and diced a bit, but you still look great to me.”

I gave him a smile. “Thanks. Just what a guy needs to hear.” I hesitated. “Could you help me clean up before we leave? I don’t want to leave you in bits on the floor.”